Yogurt Ranch Dressing

So yay for me - 5.4 lbs lost in 9 days. Yay! PJ and I are doing the fat smash diet and detox has taken me over the hump. Feeling great. Tired, but great. I've also gotten the guts up to take some of these classes at the Y - I did a bosu class, which, thank God I only used a step instead of a bosu ball because I think I would have not only hurt myself, but the people who formed the tight knit circle of 20 somethings with tight butts around me. Bastards. Anyway - I'm pretty proud of myself - saying no to carbs though is tough. Didn't realize how much I really really really wanted a cracker. Just one! Bah.

So here I sit once again at CTCA for my monthly 'let's see where we are' check up. I think my mindset on this whole thing is either just adjusting to these appointments or I'm getting thicker skin or I'm trusting God even more or I'm just too busy to worry about it. Probably a combination of all of these things. We did blood work and a CT scan to see what is happening with my liver. Again, praying for status quo. It just seems to me that God has work for me to do on this earth, so with cancer, without cancer, managing my cancer - He's keeping me around for awhile longer to tend to things. My husband, my children, my niece, my mother. Anyone else want to come on board? It's funny, the things you just 'do' - I never realized this was such a window into the souls of people - to see what they are really made up of, ya know? Not the things you intentionally do - to get attention, or accolades, or payment or applause - the things you just do because it's the right thing to do - you don't even have to think about it. When I tune into that piece of me, I feel so close to God - it's amazing. Trust me, I've had the 'doing things for the thank you' moments, tons of them - we all do. But to be honest, those moments never fill me up as much as the blessings. This is just what we do. So whatever the outcome again, I'm ready. I know He's got me on this, whatever it may look like from this perspective - from His? Perfect.

I really feel that we all have something to contribute to this world. Some talent that has been bestowed upon us to share with the world. It's just a matter of finding it, feeling it, then sharing it - in whatever form that may be for any of us. Here I am, on the verge of my 42nd birthday, and I'm not sure what it is. I mean, I have a good idea of the general gift, I just am not sure how to apply it to life yet. How to share it the way I'm supposed to. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about it. I just recently decided I was not going to renew my insurance licenses - now, this may seem silly to you, however, I had been in the insurance industry for 20 years. 20 years!!!! Talk about an industry defining who you are! It totally did - and now? I don't really want to do that again. I mean I did it for a job way back when, then it just turned into a career 20 years later. It did right by me, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be anywhere close to where I am without this career path, so I am grateful - but now - if I had to choose what I got to do with my life - it would not be insurance. So what do I choose? Being a mommy first and foremost, and the heart and spirit of my family. Leading them into cool places on many levels. Then, I'm not sure. I know I have a big mouth - so that is definitely part of it. And I'm kinda bossy - but in a good way! (bossy people always say that) So I'm sure I'm sure I'll figure it out. We'll just have to see.

So I'm staying here in Phx for the weekend to help pack my mom up to move up to us next month. Came down this am with Britt and Madeline, left Ginger with a sitter then she and daddy get a weekend all to themselves. Looking forward to a weekend with my mom, and help her make this a positive transition, it must be hard, leaving a house you've lived in for 18 years. I can't even imagine. I love her so much, and am so excited to have her closer to me. I can help her so much better.

I'll post results tonight, going to have a massage now before the results. I had no idea they did these here!!! Although the lady who does them for me is quite the talker - I'm going to have to tell her politely to be quiet please. Otherwise I feel compelled to carry on some sort of trivial stupid conversation with her then before I know it, it's all over. I like them here because they have this special 'boob' pillow that has holes for my boobies. Totally great, I'm going to try to fashion one of these for myself so I can lay on my tummy again. Implants are not quite as squishy as my old saggy boobies were. Not that I'm complaining! ;-)

God Bless -

Dina