Fall Break - Thank GOD!!!

I never thought I was a 'fall break' kind of gal - but alas. Here i am, in my jammies, watching my little ones play on the swingset in the backyard still in theirs, listening to the clothes clink and tumble in the dryer. Smell of big breakfast still in the air in the kitchen. Cup of coffee in hand. Luv it. Do I wish we could have gone somewhere as a family? Yes. I miss my total family experience, something I feel like we've lost as of late. Still adjusting to my niece living with us, and all that entails. But, blessed that we are able to acquire her into our family, and reminding myself of that daily.

Well, my life just seems to keep getting more and more full. I have found myself saying lately that I felt like everybody was taking little pieces of me, and when it was all said and done, there was nothing left for me. Not a good place. But, I was frantically but thankfully able to attend the Women of Faith conference in Phoenix a couple weeks ago and although it wasn't real 'restful' I found it to be incredibly inspirationally filling. It filled me up with weeks worth of spirituality. Just incredible. So amazing.

I have been tolerating the additional medication OK. My hands and feet are showing the signs of the meds now, extremely dry, red, cracked, peeling - really attractive. And my big toenails are once again revolting. Not sure if this is just me though - I remember having issues with my big toenails in the past, and maybe this is just magnifying them. Lifting, etc. So gross and embarrassing. I start to complain and think - well - if this is the worst, you can deal, you've been through so much worse - then I think - NO! I'm just pissed I have to go through ANYTHING - and the vicious cycle starts once again. Oy. It just never gets old - so exhausting. I go for my appt on Friday, and will have a full body CT scan at that time. According to my doc - should we see the tumor has indeed grown again, which, I believe that is has, we will talk an additional increase in medication. Also, there are a couple more theresphere procedure that have been developed since my last one, which was a year ago next month - can you believe it? Well, instead of radiation being distributed onto the liver, actual chemo therapy will delivered there and will dispersed on a time lapse basis. Pretty cool eh? He seems to think I will qualify for this protocol. I am hopeful. PJ is coming with me this time, so I am taking great comfort in that. He hasn't been to these appointments with me for almost a year now - because of his new job. Weird eh? I am excited to spend the day with him - like the old days of having our 'cancer time'. AAAaaahhhhh. Our sweet cancer time. Isn't that funny. Still searching for the blessings. Just keep searching, just keep searching - they are always there miraculously enough.

Once again my trust in Him needs sharpened a bit - I'm getting much better about it I must say. One thing I got from the conference I attended was the words of Andy Andrews - who is an AMAZING speaker. Funny, down to earth, and not at all the 'preachy' type. He gave me this nugget - as long as you are sitting here breathing, God is not done with you yet. As long as you are sitting here breathing, there is hope. I luv luv luv this. I used to pray for just enough - but now I pray for abundance - so I can share with others. Praying for just enough seems selfish - so I pray for abundance of everything, so I can share and love on others. I know God has something very important, very specific in mind for me - and I can't wait to be led to it. Jut gotta keep my God ears on so I can hear the Holy spirit guide me.

I'm taking a class at the local theater to assist me in writing my one woman show then I get to perform it in May of next year. This is good for me, not that I necessarily need assistance writing it, but need someone to answer to to make sure I take the time to write it in the first place. And I really love the space - it's an old church, over 100 years old, that has been converted into a theater. I know this is where I'm supposed to do this show. So, I am on my way.

My Ginger had a breakthrough seizure a couple weeks ago, so we increased her meds and I watch her closely. I'm also going to start buying gluten free stuff and start to phase out dairy. I need to try - so I'm going to. Slowly. Not easy, but they actually make all sorts of stuff now that is super yummy - no difference. We'll see. This seizure happened on Madeline's school campus, just after I picked her up. It was not as big of a seizure as previous ones, not at all, but lots of vomit and this is the first time she's had one in 'public'. It was so 'revealing' - didn't much care for that feeling. Still working through it.

I realized after seeing my good friend Martha, that I had never posted the final pics of my new boobies - well, here they are. You'd think after all I went through, they would be perfect, but they are just like every woman's real ones, and they don't exactly match. Go figure. But I love them, my husband loves them, and I'm so glad I went through the whole reconstruction process. It sucked, but well worth it. I miss not feeling anything, I don't think that will ever go away. But so happy to have boobies - and perky ones to boot.


That's it for now - will post once I have my appt on Friday and let everyone know the outcome. Thanks for hanging with me - I know I don't post as much as I'd like, but am blessed that I am so busy being a wife, caretaker, daughter - and mommy - my most favorite role in the world. Sometimes, I need to just be Dina, and I gotta find where I can fit that in. She is kinda the one who started all these roles, and she needs tended to, tenderly.

God Bless -