I'm gonna be "quad - ro - matic" !!!

Well as I suspected - the tumors on my liver are 'progressing'. I was prepared for this today - and to be quite honest, I am so OK it's weird. Maybe it will hit me harder later? Not sure. My awesome doctor went and spoke with the surgeon who did the therasphere procedure on me last fall (can you believe it's been a year?) before he gave me the results, because I am going to a consult with him for a new procedure called 'quadrasphere'. This is totally wicked - get this - they go in again, just like before, through my femoral artery and deposit these plastic beads - this time, filled with time release chemotherapy drugs. This cuts off the blood supply to the tumors then attacks the cancer cells, killing them. They do this to one side of my liver, then I go back for a second time for the other side to be treated. Crazy shit right? I go for my consult on Monday at 12:30 and could very well be whisked in for this procedure right then. We'll see.

Now, maybe because I've had my head buried in Proverbs 3 for the past week - I just can't stop reading it over and over I keep getting different things from it - I'm not sure - but I am genuinely excited about this. I mean, yes, I wish I didn't have to do this at all, but this is what I've got. I trust God so much with this, more than I ever have before. I know I'm in the right place, I know this team of people are exactly what I need, and I know this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. And I'm not saying this because I feel like I have to convince everyone else - which I totally used to do - even recently. I'm saying this because I genuinely feel it. My blood work is once again perfect and get this - my liver function test is also, completely normal. If that isn't God taking care of me, what is? I mean according to this scan, here I am with these progressing breast cancer tumors on my liver, yet my liver continues to function normally, and I feel great. This procedure is ground breaking, and new to CTCA - this is so exciting! I no longer have to take the Xeloda, which I am equally excited about - my hands and feet just look like they've been chewed on by Madeline's rat - so I get a little break from that. Wahoo!!! So now my only stress is trying to get my kids where they need to be, watched and taken care of while I quickly go and have this procedure done.

PJ got to join me today - and it was great and weird all at the same time. It's been a year, a year - since he's been able to go to these appointments with me - so it was a little strange at first. On our way there this morning, in the car, I shared with him that I have these moments of fear. That I am sometimes tired of this, that I get pissed that I don't get the 'normal breast cancer' experience like most. Basically bitching a little, crying a little. Then he said something monumental to me - he started explaining that our family didn't work, operate, function - without me running it. He said that through all of this stupid cancer stuff, I still give 110% to my family, and that not only does everything get done, but I still make time to teach my children about being kind, loving to others, praying, thanking God, showing respect. That I didn't just sit and stew or not get out of bed, but that I made the effort and that he noticed. Huge. This was huge for me. Not that I have felt neglected, I haven't, but it was super nice to know he noticed. I love him so much. He's just the best person. Such a good person.

So there we have it - that's where we are today. I'll let you know what happens Monday - for now I am focusing my weekend - cheering PJ on tomorrow morning as he runs a 10K - luvin on my girls, helping my mom pretty up her place, going to church and helping Brittany make dinner Sunday night. As hokey as it sounds, I am full of hope, love, trust in God, and a renewed spirit this evening. I highly recommend you google quadrasphere - it is wicked cool - and I also recommend you read Proverbs 3, equally as wickedly cool. :-)

God Bless -