Mama Needs a Percocet

I can't believe it's taken me this long, and not being able to sleep to post. Shame on me. I've intended to, I just usually get so tired at night lately, it makes it hard.

Anyhow, I've been feeling OK physically. Got sick w/ fever on Friday which kinda scared me to be honest. Wait, let's back up a bit. Treatment on Wed in Sedona which was the Avastin and Zometa then a fill in Phx on Thurs where my car broke down on the way home just after the switchbacks with both girls in the car in like, 104 degree weather. Anxiety was running at an all time high. As the whole tow truck thing played out, it was obvious to me why the whole thing happened in the first place. As my husband rushed to our rescue in our neighbors car (our other car was in the shop too ironically leaving my hubby stranded) the tow truck guy arrived to take our aching camry to the same shop. I take our neighbors truck w/ my girls home and PJ rides with the tow truck guy to drop off the car and then pick up the other car we can't afford to get fixed. He and the tow truck guy begin to talk, and he too has a wife with breast cancer, and they talk for quite sometime. This conversation made quite an impact on my hubby - so worth the hour of singing songs and eating Costco bananas in the car with my sweaty girls on the side of the road.

Now, I think the fever on Fri was caused by the reaction to the treatment on Wed, but my tits were so incredibly sore, I was also thinking it could have been a possible infection. I got very worried so I called my plastic doc. He prescribed some antibiotics - so now, I take a total of 12 pills a day this week not including my normal vitamins. Oy. Good news is, my fever subsided Fri night, an my tummy is just having a bit of trouble with all these meds. Need to drink LOTS of water, that seems to help. Now, my tits feel like they are about to burst. We are tapped out, literally. Can I mention how happy it makes me feel to have just typed 'my tits'? That feels pretty awesome. I only have room for like, 30 cc's left in each and I think I'm going to call this quits now. This last fill was really painful. Veronica said as we get to the end, it starts really stretching the muscle and pushing back onto the rib cage - exactly what I am feeling. And these expanders are like, hard whoopie cushions under my skin, there is absolutely no give. I just want this done and over with. Oh and guess what? I get to travel next month to the MOPS convention with these puppies which means I get to give the frickin screeners at the airport a little note basically saying "Hey! My boobs are fake! I have appliances in them that will set off your alarms! Please pull me aside and wand me so all can see it go off around my bulbous looking breasts!!" Nice. I can't WAIT to see how this will play out.

So I read today that the FDA is recommending the drug I am on, Avastin, no longer be recommended for breast cancer patients. Of COURSE this happens to the drug I am taking! WTF? Are you serious? I obviously want to talk to my onc about this, but won't see her for a couple treatments as she is going to be out of town for my next one that is scheduled next week. Will they still even give it to me? Do they care? Should I care? I'm very confused. I saw this article on msn this afternoon and literally burst into laughter. At least it was laughter rather than tears, thank God for that. I'm not sure what to think. One thing my onc taught me was statistics are generalities, not individuals. I like that - that makes sense to me. So I'm approaching this with that in mind.

OH yea, I turned 41 on Sunday. 41. I'm 41. I can't believe it. And - I got a nose trimmer from my husband. I think this was really for him. I had mentioned last week that I had indeed used his once, once when I had an unruly nose hair like - a year ago or something. Then when all my hair grew back in, seems that same unruly one reappeared as well. Went to do my annual nose trim - trimmer was gone. I ask my hubby, he says it broke. Whala - I get a new one wrapped for my birthday. Hmmmmm. To his credit, he also fixed a bracelet I recently broke for me too. I am thankful for my birthday, but am very glad it's over. Upward and onwards.

Prayer circle has given me my fighting spirit back. Thank GOD for that - which I do, everyday. I thank Him for so much that I have. Nose trimmer and all. It lifts me from that dark place and gently places me in a state of grace. I'm so blessed to have people come together for me - physically and otherwise - and pray for me. Thank you all. I have my life to live - and nothing, not even cancer, is going to keep me from doing it. I just ordered Healing From Cancer by Joel Ostein's mother - and I'm so excited to read it. I think it may add yet another 'perspective' to my journey - the layers just keep on comin! Thank you Pastor Mary for completing my 'rule of three' on this subject by recommending it.

I am going to try to sleep now, we'll see how it goes. Miss Ginger has given me a run for my money as of late. Mommy never sleeps.

God Bless -