Enlightenment from Kung Fu Panda - who knew?

So I totally quoted this on my Facebook page today. I'm sitting there being totally lazy yesterday watching Kung Fu Panda and suddenly 'hear' this line come out - I've seen this movie like 10 times I think and I never caught this line till yesterday.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it 'the present'. WTF? I'm all - wow! That is pretty cool? Was I just inspired by a Jack Black film? Yes, I think I was!!! Hmmm. Who knew?

Had a really great 4th of July weekend. Busy, but good. We had my mom, Brit and PJ's dad up and we went to the rodeo Sat night then fireworks on Sun night, BBQ, homemade ice cream, can't get more stereotypical than my house I suppose. Everybody seemed to enjoy themselves, but when yesterday came around I was exhausted. It's like I suddenly want to just go and do EVERYTHING!! What is that? I just want to go and experience everything with my family. I think I kinda felt this before, but cancer has given me a drive to just make things happen. More action, less talk. Well, I can actually say that about a LOT of things in my life now - funny.

I started my pills this week, and they do seem to make me a little more tired than usual. So far no side effects from the Avastin, and I've had 2 treatments of that now. When I was at treatment this past week, I picked up this pamphlet called 'living with metastatic breast cancer'. Part of me wanted to read it, the other part of me wanted to burn it. It had some useful information in it I guess, I seem to be fixated on this one quote from a woman who said 'I've lost my hair for the third time and I'm really getting sick of this'. Wow. I think I was looking for someone, somewhere to tell me that I was going to be ok. I wanted some person's experience to be a good one, a happy ending, if that's possible, so I can latch onto it, and hold on tight to it for dear life. I didn't find that - well, not in this pamphlet anyway. I know, in my soul, my life is not in a pamphlet - my life is being lived out each day. Right now, I seem to find comfort in knowing I get to keep my hair and feel pretty good for at least 2 months. That I get to have hair for my birthday this year, and we won't be having treatment on my husbands birthday like last year. That is enough for me. I just don't look to far into the future anymore - I mean, I do - but my joy really comes from PET scan to PET scan. Then, on the other side, I just want it all to stop. Just stop. Back and forth.

I have recently been given information on a 'raw food' diet and how it has 'cured' other women of breast cancer and I have to say - I am just confused. I have never done this kind of diet, or anything resembling this kind of diet. Yet, here I am pondering this and feeling like a complete failure if I don't try something like this. If it worked for one, who's to say it couldn't work for me? Thing is, I never realized how difficult this kind of diet is to maintain - especially for those of us who have never, and I mean EVER, eaten this way. So it has manifested itself into me being completely paranoid about anything and everything I put in my mouth. Do I eat that cracker? That's man made! Man didn't intend us to eat that - don't eat that or your cancer will grow! Seriously, this is the crap that has been going through my mind. I don't know what to do. All I know is I know I should eat an apple instead of a brownie. Duh. That is about as common sense as I can get. Then there it is again, the guilt. If this could save my life, why can't I do it? Arg.

Great church service on Sun. Sermon was essentially that we are all put on this earth, ALL of us, regardless of race, creed, sexual preference - to help and love one another. It made me reflect on my own 'agenda' I seem to have for myself, for others. Caused me to ask for forgiveness, for the Lord to give me patience, and to accept people for who they are, and love them for exactly who God created them to be. It was really an awesome service. I know I've posted the website for my church on here before to listen to sermons, but this one was really great. So I'll remind everyone again - look for the 4th of July sermon, it's not there now, but will be this week. Really frickin awesome.

http://www.prescottumc.com/sermons.htm

Well, the girls are napping now so I think I'll try to catch one myself. Is it because I'm 40 that I need a nap or 'the cancer'? I love calling it that, and I usually whisper it too - cuz it really adds to the dramatics of the whole thing. Whatever. Nap shmap - I'm takin one.

God Bless -