The Cancer Song

So I am speaking with my little Madeline on our way home from school yesterday when I explain to her that her Mema (grandma) has cancer too - but in her lungs. We chatted about this for awhile, since I recently explained how her Gma Nellie has the same thing, when she blurts out with this: 'Cancer Cancer Do Not Stay! Cancer Cancer Go Away!'. She obviously took it upon herself to replace 'rain' with 'cancer' - all on her own. I tearfully complimented her creativeness - and now she sings it quite alot. Pretty deep for a 5 year old.

I'm feeling very hopeful about my upcoming procedure. A little chaotic in my brain as I plan to be gone for 6 days, but good. I've got people lined up to visit me already - so thank you!!! Speaking of visiting - our trip to CA was a long drive, but so worth it. I'm so glad we went - and I'm feeling so helpless now. I'm feeling that a lot lately come to think of it. Wish we were closer to visit her more - to be around PJ's family more - it was really lovely to hang around with them. They've got some pretty heavy shit coming up too here next week - which reminds me we ALL have shit we're going through, right? I don't know if it's my age, or what, but it just seems like we all are dealing with way heavier shit than people our age used to have to deal with. I mean, maybe I'm being naive - I don't know. But it just seems like the people I am surrounded with, my family and close friends, have an awful lot of serious heavy stuff on their plates as of late. Not sure if it is a test of faith or what, but is seems damned coincidental. In any case, I wish we could be there to help more. My mom is going through some challenges now too with her cancer recurrence, and I just wish I could fix it. I want to fix it all. My stupid cancer is keeping me from being 100% there for others, and that just plain pisses me off. I remember talking with my Pastor early on in my diagnosis about how having people help me was something I was not real good at, and she explained to me it was was 'season to receive'. I get that - I got it. But enough already. It is clearly other people's time around me to receive, receive from me, and I just can't seem to get to everyone. I know, it's not about me - but it's hard to be Christ hands and feet upon this earth when I'm sitting in CTCA for 6 days. But, maybe that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. Maybe we don't get to choose, much less be aware of the people we minister to. The people we come across on this earth that get something from us by simply watching us, overhearing us, witness us show God's love to others on this earth. Guess I needed reminded of that. I just want to take care of my mom. She deserves that, and I can't take care of her in the way that I want to.

On a lighter note, my fabulous friends in Phoenix have planned something rather awesome.
They are doing a benefit for me Nov 23rd called 'Comedy for a Cause' at the Improv in Tempe. Way - way - way back when, I headed up the house improv group there, and I can't believe how many people are showing up, donating their time and awesome talent, to come out and do some stand up for me. They've got a silent auction going, and it's going to be so frickin awesome - I am humbled by their generous spirit in putting this together. They have a Facebook page for it as well, Dina Mountcastle Benefit 'Comedy for a Cause' for anyone wanting details or to just be nosey and poke around. This just baffles my mind - that people, some of which I haven't seen in like, 20 years, are showing up for me in this manner. With everything that is going on in this world, especially now, to see the human spirit rise in this manner, and for me? For anyone? It fills my heart like I am unable to explain. We do not realize how many people we touch in this life - and I was reminded this past weekend in CA that the 'ripple effect' we have with each other on this earth is very, very powerful. What one person, one situation can put into motion - just by showing up for someone, by calling, by emailing, by frickin just smiling at someone, is mind boggling. We make a difference. Everyday we do.

Alright, enough heavy shit for this evening. I am off to bed. PJ and I have our first Parent Teacher Conference tomorrow morning for Madeline and I am so eager to hear what she has to say. I will finish off my evening here with a good episode of 'Hoarding' - embarrased to say that I am addicted to this show!!!!!

God Bless -