Happy Mothers Day!

First of all - Happy Mothers Day to everyone! Real moms, the ones that play one on TV, and those who mother others - which, is all of us in my book. What an awesome day I had today. Went to church with no vomiting along the way (thank you God), afterwards we went and had boysenberry pancakes at the same place we went for Mothers Day last year, Blondies - this very sweet po-dunk kinda place in Humbolt that we luuuuuv, came home and the girls and I planted some baby roses in our flowerbed out front that my hubby got me for mothers day, dug for worms and found a ton (ew) - then, here's the best part, I got to take a nap with Madeline while watching Scooby Doo. It was awesome. It's funny, all I really need is the simple things - I am reminded of this more and more each day. Yesterday, I cleaned the house while PJ worked on the backyard then we watched the girls run through the sprinklers. It was like, the best day ever. So simple, so normal, so - us. I don't care where we are or what we have as long as we're all together, that's all that matters. I know how corny that sounds, but I'm not kidding when I say this is how I feel in the deepest place in my heart. I love my family so much - I am so blessed to be this wife and mother - how in the world did I get so lucky?

So need to backtrack for a moment cuz this is a totally awesome God moment - I pull into the driveway from picking up Madeline at school on Friday and see there is a package at our doorstep. I quickly rack my brain trying to figure out what I possibly could have forgotten I ordered (which happens more and more lately) so I send Madeline out to get it since we always enter through the side garage door. PJ meets me out front and Madeline gives me the package and long story short - its my meds!!!! Can you believe this? I filled out the paperwork on Monday, had to sign something else that was required on Tues, didn't get it back to Super Max till Wed - and the medication sits at my doorstep on Friday. 300+ pills too is sitting at my doorstep (you'd think since they charge so much they'd at least make someone sign for it right? not leave it at the door like some sort of ebay item). So I have 6 weeks of pills - I still can't believe it. I of course called Max to tell him how amazing he is. I started back up on Sat and all is going well. I do get frustrated because I keep forgetting to take the nighttime ones - the morning I've got down pat - but I have to take the nausea pill an hour before the chemo pills, so it's just hard to remember. Like tonight, I remembered at 10:30 - so here I sit. ;-)

Pastor George's sermon this morning was outstanding. I want so badly to summarize this here, but feel I would do it a complete injustice if I did. So please go to the website for Prescott United Methodist Church in a couple days and listen to his sermon. It's entitled "Our Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done". Leave it to Pastor George to make me cry in church again today - a good cry though - very good.

I forgot to mention I had another fill this week too - on Thurs. It was fine. I can't believe I only have 4 more left. I know I've mentioned this before, but I am so glad I went forward with this reconstruction. I really was doubting it after having 3 months to heal from the infection - and I was really thinking 'why put yourself through this again!'. But, as I get dressed now and have my cleavage back, I am so happy. I'm happy to not have to think about it - cuz when there was nothing there, I thought about it all the time. And I'm really getting used to the expanders. They are very hard feeling which is strange, but I'm sleeping real good and although I need to build my strength back up in my arms, I'm able to lift things and just feel so great about this. This was soooo the right decision. PJ is a bit nervous around them, I think he's afraid he's going to hurt me which totally makes sense - funny thing is, when he does go to touch them, I immediately blurt out "I can't feel that!" Total mood killer. We both have some adapting to still work through. If I'm doing my math right, I'll have my surgery the first part of July, then I'm pretty much done with that part. So happy to look forward to that. Also, from what Veronica says - others who have had this done say that as soon as the expanders come out and the implants are in they feel 100% better. Considering I don't feel that horrible right now, this is a really good thing. OH - and did I mention the no need to wear a bra thing? Feels really strange but awesomely cool at the same time. My girls are standing at attention 24/7 - what will that look like when I'm like, 60?

Madeline must have told me Happy Mothers Day like a thousand times today. She already tells me she loves me a ton every day, which I soak up like the sun, but she reminds me in these moments to just be present. I laid there this afternoon and counted the sprinkling of freckles on her cheeks as she napped with me, and thank God that I got picked to be her mommy. Yesterday Ginger led me to the couch to sit down so she could climb on my lap, put my arms around her and watch a movie. Sometimes I feel like I just can't love them enough - I have such a strong love for my girls, it overpowers me. Leaves me speechless, out of breath and near tears. I remember feeling this kind of overpowering love when PJ and I first discovered we were in love. I remember hugging him and telling him 'I just can't get close enough'. It's love. It's God powered love. It's amazing. How blessed I am to know this feeling. Many don't get the opportunity, which I can't even wrap my brain around.

So my Steven Ministry lesson this week was How to Care for the Dying. I've been able to handle all of this training pretty well up to this point, but this chapter was pretty difficult for me. I couldn't help but insert myself into these scenarios. I know I'm not dying right now, I'm in fight mode - but every sample story seemed to be about 'so and so losing their cancer battle'. ARG! I guess I need to keep reminding myself that this class isn't about ME - it's about me caring for SOMEONE ELSE. But, I also need to make sure I address some of these uncomfortable feelings - I can't just push them down deeper and not deal with them. They're real fears - I gotta face them. So hard.

Well, my awesome classmate did email me the devotional from class last week, and I'm eager to share this here. Considering this chapter in my studying and how I am feeling, this once again couldn't be more appropriate. Guess I didn't get to share it till now for a reason. I hope you all had a great weekend and a wonderful Mothers Day - how blessed we mommies are, right?

What God Hath Promised

God hath not promised skies always blue
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way.
Graces for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

Here's a pic from our place this evening. We had a pirate theme going as we were arranging Madeline's outfit for her 'pirate party' at school tomorrow. Needless to say she took quite well to the eye patch. What a ham. I don't know where she gets THAT from!

God Bless -