The Mountcastle's Go Camping!!!!

Well, we did it. We went camping for the first time ever, and even though I caved in the end and got us a tiny cabin, we still did it. And had a blast. I kinda feel like I need a vacation from my vacation kind of thing, but overall - to watch my kids in this environment was frickin amazing. Madeline caught her very first fish and it was soooooo cool. Ginger sat in the muddy part of the river and just threw rocks into it for, gee, must have been an hour, while me and my friend Judy (she came with her kids and a friend of ours child as well)sat and chatted in the sun. It was so much fun. Granted, my 'Monica-ness' was still in full force, but I've certainly come a long way. (by Monica-ness I am refering to my complusive organizing and cleaning) Just knowing we were going to be taking showers and cleaning up at the end of the day brought a peace to my heart. (cue eyeroll from my husband). Speaking of showers - we didn't have a shower in our cabin (see what strides I'm making!) so we had to go to the communal bathroom where there are these shower rooms. The Mountcastle's even showered as a family. I am such a dork, but it was so much fun. So if anyone is looking for the perfect camping area for families with younger children, LoLo Mai Springs in AWESOME!! And perfectly priced too I might add.

So the day we went fishing we came back to camp around, 12:30 and Ginger was literally passed out. So I got her sug as a bug in the cabin for a nap and PJ took Madeline to the pool for a swim. I sat there and suddenly remembered a minister I took in on TV while I was in Santa Fe. (I couldn't get to church that morning so I caught this guy on television, local minister who was pretty good actually). He said 'if you don't read anything in the Bible, read Romans 12 and I Peter 3 - you can live you life by this'. Well, I wrote it down in the front of my Bible, but I had never had the opportunity to actually read it. So, Wha La! Suddenly - here I am in this cabin with this preciously sleeping child, no TV, no computer, no phone service - I read my Bible. (is this seriously what it takes?) I have to say he was right. Have you read these passages? Amazing, truly amazing. I highly recommend it.

Here's the part that spoke to me, and the reason I believe why it was now that I had the time to read it. I had a situation go down this week with my father that, without going into it, caused me to suddenly feel like I was 16 years old asking to borrow the keys to the car or something. Have you ever felt like that? Why does that happen with our parents? I'm 40 years old, yet, in an instant I'm thrust back into adolescence. In any case, encased in my anger and sarcasm (which I'm pretty good at by the way) was just plain hurt. Once I got to the hurt part, and let it out and prayed about it, the anger seemed to slip away. However, there's still that sneaky little voice inside you that wants to just have the last word, the last sarcastic comment - thinking this will be received in the manner you are delivering it - which it never is. This scenario was simply just another testiment to as much as my father and I are alike, we are also very different. This passage I read in the Bible showed me how I need to handle these situations in my heart. Be gracious, not evil. Be loving, pray for people, help people. It's siutations like this that make us turn inwards and strike out - become bitter people. That's the easy way out of things, right? I could have easily have chosen to be bitter and hateful about my diagnosis - but I didn't. It would be easier, trust me - but what's right is often not easy, otherwise everyone would be doing it. Loving those who hurt you, praying for those who have hurt you - that is the hardest. But you know what, it works. It makes all the negativity dissipate. Gone. Just like that. Hmmmmmm. Again, I highly recommend the passages. Give them a looksy. They have caused me to start reading the Bible - from the beginning. Literally. ;-)

The only drawback to this weekend is my physical limitations which I'm really trying to talk myself out of. I'm getting used to the expanders, but that doesn't make them any more comfortable. It's difficult to get around at times, and that is frustrating. I also made myself a little motivational collage of 'dina's skinny photos' and taped it to my mirror in my bathroom to get me motivated to drop these extra 30 pounds I'm continuing to lug around on my ass. Just can't shake it - well, not in the way I want to shake it, if you catch my drift.

This is my off week of pills which is good because PJ is gone for the week in NY again. I really hate it when he's gone. I miss him. I love him more than I could ever have possibly imagined ever loving anyone. As hokey as soul mate sounds, he is mine. Anyway, I need to have all my energy for this week. Taking Ginger to Phx Childrens Hospital tomorrow to see about these seizures, so please send good thoughts her way. I am praying that someone in the profession of looking at these types of things will just tell me she's fine. I pray for strength, peace, and the ability to mother my child in the best way posible. To tell you the truth, I'm nervous. If I could barter, I'd say give it to me - give whatever this is to me and let me handle it, and make my baby OK. I'm sure that's normal. She and I bunked together this weekend, which I see now was not by mistake. She is such an angel. I woke up one time during the night with her little hand on my chest. She needed to always have a part of her touching a part of me as we slept. Connection. Awesome.

I'm going to go take a shower now and wash this campsite off me. I was a bit long winded this evening, for that I apologize. This cancer shit sure makes your mind wander.

God Bless -

(some pics from this weekend - more to come!!)