When Dina Got Her Boobs Back...........

Well, I've got a lot of catching up to do here. First of all, when I went for my fill appt last week, Veronica started filling the right boob (which I'm starting to feel the needle more and more which is good I guess?) it started turning pink. She stopped. She only filled me with 30 cc's on each side and had Dr. Mo come in and take a looksy. Considering what I went through in Dec, I was freaking out a little to be honest. He looked, said he thought everything was fine, but did I want him to prescribe some antibiotics for prophylactic reasons? Well, I immediately recalled him not thinking anything was wrong last time when my breasts were scorching red and he sent me home only to have infection later pour out of one of them, so needless to say I said a great big YEA! to the drugs. I've been on 2 different antibiotics since then and the pinkness has subsided. Seems the scar tissue is pulling apart as well which feels strange but at least they are starting to fill out and both look more round. They are really looking like boobs now - very hard, non-pliable boobs that make Ginger look at me and say 'ow!' when she lays on me - but boobs just the same. Went back on Tues of this past week and he said all is looking good, but wants to hold off on another fill until I'm done with the antibiotics and have another week off them under my belt. So there we are. If all now continues to go as planned, I'll probably have the big 'switch' surgery around the middle of August. I figured it would be better to wait until I get a week of Madeline in Kindergarten before I move forward. (wow, that's another blog entirely).

I think I haven't written here because I've been so busy living, which is good, but I've had moments of wondering if I'm in denial about my situation, or am I just busy? Or do I just not have time for cancer? Yea, maybe that's it. That feels right. I luuuuv being busy - especially with volunteer stuff - giving back fills my soul like nothing else. And nothing, not even cancer, is going to keep me from doing this is some form or another. I won't allow it. I decide. I do it. That is my primary.

Speaking of volunteering I was acting out Bible stories all week for 1st thru 5th graders at Vacation Bible School. I acted out a different story each day, four times a day for about 40 kids each time. It was exhausting, yes, and I'm surprised I have a voice now - but it was a blast. These kids were amazing. And of course, in true 'Dina style' - it wouldn't be me if there wasn't some sort of glitch or weirdness that occurred. That did - on Wed. Wed was the day I played the role of Paul who was bitten by a poisonous snake yet survived. Now, like I said before, I had all ages ranges here - my first group of the morning were about 40 5th graders, my oldest group. So I have them all gather round the campfire, get real close, and tell them that the island they are on is crawling with snakes. Get them all good and scared - then I decide to put some more wood on the fire, so grab stick, stick, then SNAKE! Then I am supposed to scream while waving this rubber snake around and pretend that it is biting me - then I grab it and throw it to the ground, thus killing it. That's the way is was SUPPOSED to happen. First round went fine, but one of my helpers advised me to maybe tone down the scary factor on the second group of kids coming in because they were younger - they were like 2nd graders. Cool I thought - I'll just be more 'hokey' about waving the snake around. So that part came up, they're all gathered round the fire with me, all good an spooked, when I get to the 'stick - stick - SNAKE' and I jump up and start waving it around and it accidentally flies out of my hand and hits this little boy in the front square in the face. Now, he was already afraid, as was everyone, when I got up and started screaming, but NOW? He's crying. Nice Dina, real nice. I immediately feel I've scarred this poor little blond boy for life causing his parents years of therapy. I kick into MOM mode immediately, go over to him, begin to hug him, apologize to him and tell him it was an accident. Then, I kid you not, it was either the Improv Gods I worshiped for so long (from like what, 1996-2003?) or God Himself, but I stood up - and started into this completely made up script - I said to everyone "Did everyone see what Carter (someone corrects me that it's Cooper) Cooper just did?!?!?!?!? He grabbed this snake and killed it for me! Did you see that ! Cooper you are my hero! Come up here with me - everyone give Cooper a hand! God worked through Cooper to save me! How cool is that?!?! - then we eventually fell back into the script. Oy vey. Can you believe this? Thank GOD this kid was smiling, laughing and high-fiving me by the end - but I felt like such a complete shit. Wow.

Now, I'm starting 'toddler time' at the local tiny library here. I just sing a song, feed them goldfish, read a book, sing another song, then we're done. It'll be cute. I do that for 6 Saturdays. Oy.

OH - and I forgot to share the best part! I was commissioned as a Steven Minister last Sunday and it was so cool. We went to greet everyone as they left and who comes up to shake my hand but my brother in law Sean and his partner Joe and my father in law. It was AWESOME!!!! I am rarely surprised by much, but this brought tears to my eyes. I was so touched they drove up to see this. How blessed I am. I also got to assist in giving communion which was a pretty awesome experience I must say. As each person comes up to receive communion you can just see on their faces how different of an experience it is for each and every person. Some seem connected, some seem like they do it out of obligation, some are looking for connection - it was like I could feel each person's different energy as they walked past me. Incredible.

So - I've been seeing a chiropractor and I have to say - AMEN. Finally, someone who is smart, listens to me, and is actually bringing me relief. He is awesome. His name is Dr. Stultz for anyone who is interested, because he is awesome and bringing me relief after 4 years of pain.

I have my calcium treatment this week, and the much anticipated PET scan on Wed. (heavy sigh) I feel something different about this every day I think. I'm scared one day, worried the next, fine the next, denial the next, pissed off pretty much all the time that I even have to do this. My feet have actually been showing the signs of the side effects of the Xeloda this week - wicked dry, red and starting to crack a bit. Feels like I have a sunburn on the bottom of my feet - I guess I need to tell my onc about this. I don't want to reduce the medication, I want to take the full dose - but I remember her saying "Dina, you don't have to be super woman with this, if you're feeling a side effect tell me and we'll adjust". I'll tell her when I see her on Friday. Hard to fight 'The Burn Means It's Working' mentality though.

So send prayers please for Wed - I'll hopefully not be as tired this week and will be able to post more. I'll probably need to anyways, for my own sanity.

I forget that what I'm doing is volunteering sometimes. I get so much out of it, I forget that is also helping other people. As tiring as this past week was for me, mostly because it was my ON week for chemo pills as well, it totally filled me up. I loved working with these kids - it was pretty frickin awesome - even if it may have sent a few to therapy. ;-)

God Bless and have a great weekend.