Glowing in Goodyear

It's a quiet evening here in lovely Goodyear AZ. I am on day 4 today, only 2 more to go. I know they told me that the radiation was not at a dangerous level as these little pellets emit time release radiation onto my tumor over 6 days, but I kinda like the idea of me having a proverbial glow. So I will wallow in that for a bit. A mental picture of me, glowing in the window this night from CTCA in Goodyear, AZ. Kinda cool.

Today I spent time with a really great friend whom I've known since we were little kids - she drove all the way out here to see me and spend time just chatting. We are just those kinds of friends where we could just pick up where we left off - I think we saw each other just about a year ago, but it was like a day hadn't passed. Really great. Then she sat through infusion with me, took off afterwards than my brother-in-law came and spent time w. me and we had dinner. It's been such a blessing over these past few days to just soak in people. To have at length conversations with people, I can't remember the last time I was able to do this. It has been just awesome. To sit and simply exchange thoughts, feeling, laughs, cries, each other. Pretty frickin cool. It has kept me from being depressed - not from the cancer thing, mostly from not being with my girls and hubby. I think I gained a new sense of hope, over time, when I started coming here to CTCA. Not because of the cheery commercials, although I think those are very relevant, but just from my experience. I didn't know what to expect when I came here - I didn't know about the theresphere procedure, that was something I learned about when they sent me the initial material of what they do here. When I read it, I thought, wow - that makes sense, maybe they'll recommend that. I never suggested a thing - just let them go through everything about me and let them do their thing. Everyone approached me with a very focused nature - which I appreciated so much. Not a lot of BS or 'false hope' like some have criticized, but just focused attention. When they recommended the theresphere treatment, I was excited - not knowing that I would then need to go through a process simply to qualify as a candidate for this protocol. Again, success. Each of these experiences just built on each other that has brought me to a place of such peace, and hope, and contentment. It is hard to explain. To sit here and look back and see the path that has lead me here, it is so clear to me that God has been by my side, gently guiding me along the entire time. I do not sit and wait for Him to do something, I listen for Him, and He tells me which way to go. But you gotta have your God ears on, and sometimes, that is the hardest part. We are wired as humans to have OUR ears on only, and we fight God because sometimes He leads us where we don't want to go, or are afraid, or doesn't fall in line with OUR plan. Experiences in this life WE decide are 'good' or 'bad' when actually, they just 'are'. We miss the importance of experience in this life because we are so busy labeling it we miss the lesson, or the direction, or the meaning. So hard to do - but I'm trying real hard to have my God ears on more and more. Morning seems to be the best time for these ears for me - perhaps because I'm less clouded when I first wake up - who knows. It's working, and it's pretty frickin cool.

I'm feeling the 'chemo brain' which, I had forgotten about. It's funny, I'll find myself just peering, as if I a actually trying to see through something - that's how it feels. Crazy right? And my belly is feeling it big time now. It's the premeds mostly, steroids and anti nausea stuff - I am taking miralax and this lovely Yogi Tea called 'Get Regular' (I kid you not) that has these little sayings stapled onto the end of the tea bag. This evenings reads: 'Wisdom Becomes Knowledge When It Is Personal Experience'. Hmmm. yea. duh. I just really need to personally experience a poop - so let's get REGULAR please!

PJ comes tomorrow, and I am so excited to see him. Then I get to go home on Monday. But do not be fooled - I am relishing each moment here, focusing on this procedure to kill this shit once and for all. I am confident this is working, I can feel it working - physically and spiritually - it's pretty amazing. I am so blessed to have found this place, these doctors, this experience. How blessed I am that all of this came together for this to actually happen for me. Truly someone watching over me, taking care of me and my family, lovin on me. Doesn't get any better than that.

God Bless -