How's Your Liver?

Ahhhhhhh - home sweet home. I can't tell you how amazing it is to be home. My awesome husband greeted me in Flagstaff and then we went and had a nice cheap lunch together and just talked. I missed him so much. Came home to my girls and to have them come running into the living room to greet me yelling "mama!!!" was just about the most awesome feeling in the world. Now of course, I'm being tested a bit by Madeline, I think this is her way of letting me know she didn't really appreciate me being away for so long, since she can't really figure out how to express that yet. But, it's all good - very good and I once again am reminded just how blessed I truly am. My family is my lifeline, and I know I don't want to be away from them again for that amount of time. It really was just too long, good, just too long.

Back into the swing of things, I had my pre-op yesterday and it all went great, we're set for surgery on Friday at 11am. My onc had me go in for a cbc yesterday too and that came out just great - so I am good to go. I'm so excited to get my boobies back (well, the beginning of them anyways). I do have one slight concern, my plastic surgeon had wicked bad allergies. When he came in to see me his eyes were all red and bloodshot and his nose was running, he looked absolutely miserable. I had these visions of him sneezing into my chest cavity. Gross, eh? So, I'm praying for his allergy relief as well as his guided hands. Seems he's gonna need one to have the other.

It's so funny to be back into life again after this 12 day reprieve - and getting to apply all that I have learned. I have this sense of confidence that I didn't have before, this renewed sense of me and this, well, inner confidence I lacked a bit before. I can't think of any other way to describe it. I can remember a time where I would be in a decent mood then be approached by someone with the concerned look on their face and the saddened sound in their voice when they would ask me 'Dina, how are you feeling?' I know they sincerely meant well, but they had this 'doom and gloom' sound to them, it was difficult not to get sucked into this. This happened today, twice actually, when people actually came up to ask me how my liver was. Isn't that a funny question? How's your liver? I wanted to look at them with this unruly look in my eyes and reply "Delicious! How's yours?" But thought that was perhaps a bit too bizarre. I guess I do need to clarify my cancer for those who may not know, or have forgotten. I mean, I didn't know before I was diagnosed - so here's a quick reminder. I do not have liver cancer! That is VERY different than what I have. I have breast cancer, that spread to my liver. Therefore, I have a very small breast cancer lesion ON my liver, it's not being generated from within my liver - if that makes any sense. Now, of course, anything bad going on with the liver is serious, I mean, it's a pretty important organ, but I truly believe as an absolute truth this medication is working or has already worked. I've never been able to come at this disease with the confidence and conviction I am right now. It just feels right. I feel right. Again, can't find any other way to explain it.

Started my new WOW class today and was blessed to listen to Pastor Mary preach the first hour. Her first hour for the session is about hearing God when he talks to you. I for one, am blessed enough to know that He speaks to me, quite often actually. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our daily 'to do' lists we don't hear him, but I believe He is in constant conversation with us. For me, I have to speak out loud to hear him talk back to me. (this proves to be entertaining for anyone driving next to me btw) It's almost like I get too stuck in my head otherwise. When I take the time to articulate an actual conversation, His responses come through loud and clear. His message to me, much like the one that was driven in my recent trip, is the following: personal responsibility, compassion, and service to others. This is what I want to strive to in my life - with His loving guidance. Seems like 3 simple phrases, right? That first one is a doosey - personal responsibility. Ouch. Yuk, right? So important though - to go deep within yourself and find what needs worked on, worked out, worked through with His guidance. Without doing this work on ourselves, we aren't in a great position for the other two, which are really the true reasons we are put here on this earth, in my opinion anyway. I want my life to reflect all of these things in the most respectful and meaningful way possible. For me, for my children. Heavy shit, right? Tell me.

Well, off I go to get some paperwork done this evening. My girls are listening to Billy Gillman as they fall asleep. I am so glad to finally be getting some use out of this cd. I bought this forever ago and wondered what the hell I was thinking. Now, it's the perfect music for my girls to fall asleep to. Just perfect. Good to hold onto things that spoke to you at one time, you never know when they will speak to you again in a completely different way.

God Bless -