Fill Her Up Please!!!

Had my first 'fill' today - very interesting. Veronica, one of my most favorite nurses of all time, comes in with this Tom & Jerry looking syringe - I'm telling you this thing was huge. 2 of them - 50cc of saline in each boob. She takes this stud finder thingy to find where the port is in the expander then inserts the needle and slowly pushes the saline in. She's gabbing away about this and that like it's no big deal and I'm lying there looking down at my chest as if a huge cockroach is sitting on it. Didn't hurt, at all really. Bled a little, but the needle was surprisingly small. Well, there's still little to no feeling at all in my chest area so who knows if it was small or I just couldn't feel anything. Either was is fine w/ me actually. What I did feel as I was driving back was cold. I felt a coldness on my chest. I wonder if the saline was cold and it just would take time for my own body temp to warm it up? That logically makes sense to me - who knows. Thank you to my mom for letting me stop by and giving me some ibuprofen amongst other things. What an angel.

All in all it was a pretty good couple of days. It felt good to finally get some sleep, and to get back to my somewhat normal routine. I think the down time got the best of me this weekend. I suppose that's normal. Then, as simple as this sounds, if I don't get enough sleep lately - it really effects my mood, and my perspective. I know, this is normal of all people, but I am especially in tune to this for me because I can feel the difference it makes in my way of thinking. The amount of sleep and rest I give my body has a direct effect on my perspective and outlook each day. Right? Wrong? Not sure. Just the way it seems to be. In any case, it is making me much more aware of the time I take to myself. I guess that's a good thing. It's hard enough with 2 small children to get a full nights sleep (what is that exactly?) then to juggle this other crap too - well, it's a challenge. Sleep aids are starting to be needed. Guess there are worse things I could be taking.

Ginger is doing fine. I went ahead and made an appointment for her to see a pediatric neurologist next month. I just want to make sure that everything is ok. I want someone who sees this kind of stuff every day to look at her and tell me what my pediatrician is telling me - that it's nothing. I'm just going to stay focused on that, and pray for it to be nothing. It's these exact times that it is especially difficult for me to put all of this in God's hands. These are the moments where I really wish I could control everything and have a hand in how everything is supposed to work. Fact is, I am merely her mother - put on this earth to care for her. She is God's child, and He will help her more than I could ever imagine. Wow, that's a tough one to swallow on it's own, harder when there could be a potential problem. Keep praying.

So, isn't it funny that my CT scan is scheduled for May 14th - the day we go camping for the first time as a family. We are literally going to pack the car up for a weekends camping trip that Friday, stop off for mom's CT scan, then head to the campground. The one thing I find myself concerned with is the gas caused by the barium solution I have to drink and how that might play out on our camping trip. Yes, that is what I'm worried about. Go figure.

Well, I'm off to bed due to the whole 'need more sleep' kick I am on now. I have to say that I pondered much today in my quiet drive to and from Phx for my fill appointment today. Anyone who has taken this drive lately from Prescott to Phx must have seen the absolute gorgeous area by sunset point. It is especially beautiful heading back up to Prescott on I17 - right after the switchbacks, right when you hit that clearing - it is a sea of yellow flowers - it goes on and on and it absolutely breathtaking. I was reminded not only of how beautiful it can be here, but how beautiful and full my life is. I am blessed with a wonderful family that takes such awesome care of me, two beautiful children who keep me in awe, a husband who is my very best friend in the whole world, a mother who is my best friend and loves me unconditionally, a father whom I cherish dearly, the wife of my father who not only has been a second mother to me, but who has showered me and my children with her love and support in ways I cannot begin to describe, the most loving circle of friends and church families that have embraced me and lifted me up when I couldn't lift my chin up off the ground. How very blessed I am to have these things. Most people don't get to experience half of the goodness of people I have been able to experience - for that, I will be ever grateful and a changed person. A simple sea of yellow flowers brought forth in me the goodness of all who surround me - and that, is priceless. Another tool for my back pocket - when I get down, I just think of the sea of flowers, and as hokey as it sounds, it warms my heart.

God Bless -