How Fast Was I Going????

Well, I'm feeling pretty good actually. I will have one more month here before I go back on an aromabase inhibitor (estrogen blocker) so I am soaking in each and every minute of this - and loving it. I had discussed w/ my onc when I was in on the 30th that I had been on Femara and had really bad joint pain. We spoke about the monthly shot - faslodex - as I had heard the FDA has just approved it for double its dose - and he said that that would feel very much like the Femara, and that the shot itself was quite uncomfortable to endure. He said he will most likely put me on arimidex, because they released the patent on it and I can get it for like $10 a month and it does the same as Femara with less joint pain. I'll still HAVE joint pain, just hopefully a little less severe than with the Femara. We'll see. How cool though that I have a full team of dr's to work with to try to counteract any of these upcoming side effects - so frickin cool. I feel like I'm in such good hands. It is a nice, relaxed and peaceful feeling. Haven't felt that in a looooong time. Went to Phx to have my top checked out and it's not infected. Just not healing on one side as fast as it should be. So I'm just tending to it and it's actually doing really well. So that is a HUGE blessing.

So it seems that I was in need of a lesson here last week. The good Lord above needed to teach me about patience I believe - the hard way. I got a speeding ticket. I have never, ever, received a speeding ticket and yes, I am the wife who bitches at her husband that he is going too fast, I am embarrassed to say. Well, not anymore. Ginger was having one of her temper tantrums Fri morning, and these are quite a show if I must say so - she will cry so hard she will give herself hives, then try to make herself throw up. These are often pretty easy to handle when we are at home, but when we are in the car, it is particularly challenging. Anyway, this one section of highway that I travel on ALL THE TIME is now under construction and I was going along like I always have, constantly checking back on Ginger when I was pulled over. I was going 60 in a 35 according to the cop. Luckily he gave me a huge break and ticketed me for 55 in a 35 and didn't double it (which he totally could have done) but I was just mortified. Of course when I tried to explain that I was looking back at my kid who was crying instead of noticing the speed limit signs, I look like a huge ass because of course, she had stopped crying as soon as the cop pulled me over. He took my license and registration and went back to his car - I looked back at Ginger with a look like 'are you happy now' and she belts out "Happy New Year Mom!". Oy. This child, this child of mine.

We feel so judged don't we??? Like, I wanted to call him after the fact and explain to him that I always follow the speed limit, this was just a weird time because of Ginger and her seizures and blah blah blah - so funny. I didn't cry though - I almost did - but didn't - guess I'm growing up. :-)

THEN - yes, it gets better - then I wake up Ginger that afternoon to put her in the car to go pick up Madeline from school - and I have a flat tire. Who? Who the hell gets a speeding ticket AND a flat tire on the same day???? ME! I didn't really think I was rushing - I really had thought that I had let that go - that rushing, urgent, nonsensical way about me - like everything I had to get done that was was just so frickin important - please. I really thought I had let go of that - cancer showed me just how frickin stupid that frame of mine was - this was obviously trying to point something out to me. I'm not even quite sure I have figured it out yet to be honest. It humbled me - I'll give it that - I'm certainly not going to be giving my hubby any more shit for his driving style. And it reminded me that it's not always about me - a mind trap I am constantly getting caught in again. It's weird, like, I'll explain this with something simple - picture me, holding a sleeping Ginger who weighs 37lbs, walking into a tire place to get some help for a flat tire - and no one opens a door, sees what I need, offers to help - nothing. I get infuriated by this. Now, I ended up leaving that place and praying I would get to the next tire place down the street on my leaking tire - which I did - had a lovely experience and the guy, who had never seen me ever, repaired my tire for free. I looked at him and said ' you just earned a customer for life - thank you so much'. (Big O Tires in Prescott Valley - they ROCK!) I guess the point I'm trying to make is I'm starting to relapse into this frame of mind I had before cancer where I just expect everyone to notice others in need - and they don't, and it's frustrating. But ya know what? - some do - like Big O Tires - and I need to remember to allow the ones that do - to be the stories I tell, and not the ones who don't. They may be fewer, but they are much more powerful.

So - Ginger has her MRI on Friday at PCH and I'm nervous but ready to get some answers. I have completely changed the way she eats since her last seizure and maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I feel like she is a completely different kid. I'm much for hopeful than I was when I initially scheduled this test. Ready to move forward with this.

PJ and I had date night last night and went and say True Grit which, I thought was awesome. Now, I hadn't seen the original, so I don't think my opinion really counts, but I really liked it. I recommend it simply to see the actress who plays the young girl - she is amazing. Needless to say, I am so sleepy tonight, I need to hit the hay. Starting a new exercise class tomorrow morning too, so want to get ready. I really want to lose this weight this year - doesn't look like my exercise schedule will be continually interrupted by frickin surgeries - so things are looking good already. Luvin my boobies by the way - I'll post some pics here soon before the tattooing - want this icky part to heal a little better first.

God Bless