I don't FEEL like I lack white blood cells........

Treatment went really well on Friday - my blood work was in a good place, my liver chemistries were finally in a good place, something that hasn't been said in, I don't even know how long - and my doc said he was 'pretty pleased' with that - woo hoo!  I like the sound of that. 

It's so funny, I don't know what they put in their Benedryl, but I am like, OUT when they give it to me - I'm too sleepy to pray for my actual treatment, too tired to talk, I just literally pass out.  Then, since my actual treatment is only a 2-3 minute push, when they're done and say "OK Dina, you're all done!"  I'm like all ready to snuggle in and sleep for like and hour or so.  They said I could totally do that, but then logic kicks in and I think to myself - seriously Dina, are your really going to snuggle up here in this chemo chair and dream sweet dreams?  That's like a total oxymoron, right?  So PJ leads me out like some sort of drunken date night.  Nice.

Something totally cool that my oncologist recommended that I try is Qi Gong.  (pronounced Chee-Kung)  It is actually wicked cool.  My first session was a little intimidating, a little uncomfortable only because it is something completely new and different to me, but I really am enjoying it.  Here's the quick run down of what this is:  Qi means breath or air, and can also be referred to as the relationship between matter, energy, and spirit.  Qi is also considered to be a focus of energy.  Gong is with force or power.  The two words together describe the manipulation of energy for purpose, most commonly health.  The foundation of this practice is the cultivation of energy and awareness.  Lost?

Here's my interpretation - through intentional breathing, I am beginning to learn to empty my mind.  Once I learn how to do this, I can then begin to fill it with intentional thoughts.  Can I tell you how hard it is to empty your mind?  To NOT have thoughts running through your mind all the time?  It is a really great relaxation technique and I am super happy to be adding this to my treatment plan.  Another cool thing is, my homework, to breathe 108 breaths a day (intentional relaxed breathing) needs to be counted, but not counted in my head.  I found that a rosary has 108 beads - coincidence?  Probably not.  I'm able to use the rosary that was given to me by PJ's grandmother as my guide through this.  So cool. I was instructed to begin this at night - and as of now, I still haven't been able to get to 108 without falling asleep.  Still learning I guess.  But sleeping - that's good right?

I thought maybe I was doing better with my side effects since on Sunday, although my taste buds are completely shot which sooooo sucks - I felt pretty good otherwise.  Then Monday came and I started to fade a bit - then by Mon night into Tues I felt like complete shit.  Typical chemo stuff, muscle achy, nauseous, and I found myself on my knees Tues morning, praying, saying to God "please, just let me get my kids to school, that's all I ask, just get my kids to school".  Sucks.  But - He came through - I got them to school, then had some more energy to go get a new belt for Brittany, then had an amazing prayer time with my dear friend Pastor Mary - and then it was like someone flipped a switch.  Just like that, I felt better.  I'm giving my props to God on this one.  Thanks.

My girls continue to bring me smiles and surprises every day.  I cannot thank God enough for my beautiful family.  I still battle the guilt that I am not the 'typical wife' to my husband, 'typical mom' to my kids, but to be honest, I don't think PJ signed up for typical when he married me.  I know I didn't.  We just didn't have THIS in mind.  But as I learned today in my first hour of WOW - my story is one that is playing out as I type here.  My life has all the makings of a good story, it's got interesting characters, it's got awesome sub characters, it's got conflict, it's got tragedy and heart, it's got twists and turns, it's got humor, it's got all the things people look for in a good story.  No one wants to read the book of status quo - that's pretty boring.  God needs me to live my story, so those that watch my story can tell it to others.  It all brings glory to Him, and that is the ultimate purpose isn't it?  For us all to hear 'well done faithful servant'?  Well, my story is a good one, and I can't wait to see where it takes me next.  I had my blood drawn today to see if I get to have treatment on Friday - we'll see - I don't feel like I have more or less white blood cells - wish I could tell on some level.

I'll check in tomorrow and find out - I trust what needs to happen will happen.  Just glad to have some energy back - even if it's only for a couple days.  I'm going to try to get to the gym tomorrow.  I want to have a chance to try to build up my muscles before they all get shot with a dose of chemo again.  Give them a fighting chance kind of theory. 

Thank you to all those who pray for me, send me energy, good thoughts.  Those who put my needs above their own, who pray for me when I can't, which was just this week actually - thank you.  I'm just going to keep on keeping on - that's how I roll today.

God Bless -

Dina