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My dear friend Jennifer came to treatment with me today, thank you God for good
friends. This morning was good - I can honestly say I have my sense of humor back - I did miss PJ by my side though. Hopefully we can try to get him to come with me for the second cycle. I'm working on that right now. I just want to try to give my kids as much normal routine as I can now - even though our routine has recently changed dramatically with kindergarten and all. And I guess I just want to keep Madeline's new schedule as close to normal as possible. Dropping Ginger here and there is far from normal for her - I like to keep her home with a sitter which she prefers, but that costs $$. These trips to Sedona cost $$ - gas and copays each time - we just have to fit it into our budget is all. Everything costs something these days, eh?

In any case, treatment went fine today. Had a real good conversation with my onc and my surgery is definitely on for Sept 10th. I'm excited to get this reconstruction done and over with. These expanders are kicking my ass so to speak. Just ready to be done with this part. My onc feels it's just fine to wedge this between treatment cycles, my blook work is and always has been, thankfully, good - and as long as it looks good next week we're a go. I will, however, sneak another treatment in before my surgery - cuz the week before would normally be my off week but that would mean I would go 2 weeks without treatment, which I don't want to do. Sooooooo, we'll go 4 weeks of treatment instead of 3, sneak in my surgery, then pick up my treatment the following week after my surgery. Yikes, right? I just really, really, really need to take extra good care of myself to get through this. It wicked important that I listen to my body and rest when I'm tired blah blah blah. Gotta do it - this coming from the woman who had it ingrained in her brain to just 'push through it' it is so hard for me to do this.

So it went fine, had my ice chips through the push and all went fine. Jennifer prayed the Armor of God with me which makes me feel so empowered, it is such a wonderful passage to cling to during treatment. I've also, ironically enough, started reading the book of Job - and I thought I had problems - wow. It's humbling, enlightening, and downright dramatic for what it's worth. Pretty good read, I recommend it.

I talked to my mom today and we shared our chemo stories of the day. How blessed am I to have my mom walking through this with me - we are doing this, independently together. She has become a friend to me through this process that I couldn't have even imagined. She knows, really knows, and in sharing together our thoughts and feelings, we find that we have very similar thoughts and feelings, and that is so validating for me. There is something to be said about the feeling you get when someone says 'me too'. So simple. So comforting. How blessed am I.

So I am going to go take a pill then curl up in bed. I feel like I'm getting some slight mouth sores tonight, and have this horrible taste in my mouth as well. Took a prilosec to help with the heartburn that I now remember being caused by the steroids, and my nose is red, also steroid side effect. I am off to the gym in the am then to prayers circle - my sweet Ginger in tow hanging on my hip. I love it.

I have to say that my head and my heart were on the same page for the most part today. I found myself shedding a tear after my prayer before the treatment drug was administered - but for the most part - my spirits are good, getting better, and my heart is more and more filled with peace. Just peace. I'm doing my best, my very best, and letting God do the rest. I do not sit idly by and watch, I am an active participant - I know nothing else. But anger and fear - I just don't wear them well - they aren't a good fit for me - and they aren't a good fit for my family either - so I choose to wear peace. Funny, it's just my size.

God Bless -