Dina - The Human Burrito

So - surgery went great. Here I am, wrapped like a burrito in this ace bandage which I can actually remove tomorrow which I am pretty excited about because I can't see or feel what the new girls are like. And, per my conversation w/ a fellow reconstruction patient, I look down and wonder who the poor soul was who got to lift up my fat ass and wrap me in this thing. I made sure to apologize to all medical staff I came in contact with for this upcoming task. I think they said that Dr. Mosharraffa was actually the one who wrapped me. Hmmmm. Still - I feel good today, was totally drugged out yesterday which was fine - and my evening wasn't quite as peaceful as one would have hoped. We lost Ginger's binky, so last night was our first night without it, and needless to say, it was a challenge. Took a long nap today, and feel pretty good now. My right side makes a funny kind of squishy sound when I move my right arm a certain way, not sure if that is just fluid or my implant or what. We'll see. I can't believe I get to take off the bandages tomorrow, I'm excited and nervous.

When I was getting ready to go into surgery and talking with all the medical staff, this time has always been a fun kind of chitty chatty time in the past. I always love getting to know the staff that it taking care of me, cracking jokes and laughing. This time however, I found myself retelling my whole story to not one, not two, but 3 different medical staff personnel. I watched their faces as I told them my situation, and then found myself reliving it - which made me very sad, and scared. My husband watched me retell this story, and I saw in his eyes the same thing. Then, after the last time I told it, and PJ and I were left alone in the pre-op area, he looked at me and said "When you tell this story, you need to tell it with a sense of courage, and honor, and proud of your 'war wounds' - we both need to start telling it this way - cuz this was just sucks" and we both started to cry. But he's right, I need to own it, make it mine, and be proud of my fight. Right now, I think I am, but when I tell people there's almost of sense of apologizing in my voice - it's weird. Not sure where that is coming from. As always, only we know the actual story, the real lives we are leading, the real me. Only we know how this feels. Sucked to go into surgery crying, but I am honored to have my husband by my side - giving me just the right words of encouragement exactly when they are needed. Did this kind of rob me of the excitement of the surgery? Yes. But, I felt much better mentally when I came out of the anesthetic (thank you drugs) and I feel much better now. It's still sitting there in the back of my brain, but I am slowly digesting the new way I need to tell this story. As we can control how we relay information only, not how it's perceived.

Off to rest now, I think this binding is sometimes more uncomfortable than the actual surgery. Thank you for all your prayers, I can't tell you how comforting it feels to know others are praying for you. I don't think I can ever explain the feeling that gives me - and I am ever blessed to be surrounded my such wonderful, powerfully spiritual people. I am certainly here, in this place, in this world, for a purpose.

God Bless