The Smiling Mastectomy

So, process - process - process - pray pray pray - process - process - process - pray pray pray. It is never ending. Luckily this time, it was a shorter route from point A (process) to point B (pray). Alas, I've been here before. Now, let's think for a minute. I have always kept the following in the back of my head 'this disease is manageable, not curable, but manageable'. Is this the managing part? I always had in the back of my head (obviously a lot of stuff hanging out there) that this would rear its ugly head again. Not this soon, but it would. Did that make it come back? Are our minds that powerful? Yes I think. But so is God. He created my mind, and I have control of what goes in and out.

My good friend Lara came by on Friday last week and we just sat and chatted, it was lovely. I voiced some things to her that I had only kept in my brain - and it felt really good to just release them. I told her, and I have since this evening talked this over with Jesus, that I am not going to be one of those tragic stories. I am not that woman who is written about who died too young and left behind a husband and 2 small children. I am not that person. I am more than this, much, much more. Not to diminish those who did have that tragic ending, not at all. They had meaning and purpose too - but me - this is not how my story ends, I just know it. I would be lying however if I didn't say these things float in and out of my mind, like waves on the seashore. Everything about me as been the exception. Everything. From my marriage, to my career, to my faith, to my health - nothing happened in any sort of 'normal' circumstance. Nothing ever does with me. Therefore, it would make sense for me to beat the odds and live to tell about it. Tell everyone I come in contact with - and comfort and walk the walk with others.

So, on a completely separate note, had one of those awkward moments again this evening. Had a classmate come up to me, who I have never exchanged words with, ever, and basically said 'ya know, it's really up to God at this time, so I will pray for your peace and comfort'. WTF? They also said how awkward this scenario in general was, that you need to say something, you can't just say nothing. I'm standing there listening thinking 'Please! Say Nothing! Please!' My final verdict on this subject??? People are just weird. There are more weird people than there are non weird people I've decided. Those who are on my bus beware, we are outnumbered.

Medication is going great actually. No side effects to speak of yet - but I realized today that I will have taken 56 pills this week. Yikes. Also, how do people without insurance pay for this medication? Remember I told you the Femara drug I was on was around $500 a prescription? Here's what my new drug, Xeloda, said when I picked it up at Walgreens (no lesbian comments this time though, whew!). My receipt read 'Your Insurance Saved You $1827' Can you believe this!!! This is a weeks worth of medication! Can you believe it! I am dumbfounded. I need to do the math on the lifetime policy limit for my health insurance policy cuz I may max it out on medication alone! Hope the Health Care Reform Bill comes into play before that happens, otherwise I'm shit out of luck in getting new coverage somewhere else. Alright, stepping down from the pedestal. Deep breath - my apologies.

So - you're probably wondering what the title of this entry means. I know I don't always explain it, but this time I will. With the recent news last week I wasn't going to do this, but then I started thinking that we were going to do this before, so just do it and shut up about it. My chest is all healed up now, and I'm able to, well, move my chest muscles. When I do this, both sides at the same time, my scars form a kind of, well, smile. Soooooooo - PJ and I, after giggling like 2 school kids once we discovered this, decided we should take pictures of this and post it here. I've got my new blond hair now too - so we're really killing two birds with one stone I would say. So here's some pics - of the frowning mastectomy, then the smiling mastectomy - we thought these were hilarious. But then, we're not the norm. Thank God!

God Bless -