Time in the Tomb

My hubby finally made it back home to all of his loving girls arms. Ginger came into our room this morning, saw PJ in bed and started marching around the room, waving her arms and squealing. So frickin sweet. Madeline as been all about Daddy today - we are so happy to have him home.

PET scan this morning. To be honest, I hadn't had time to really dwell on this coming up here, which is good I suppose. This time, which will be every three months for this year, usually comes with this small, dark shroud that covers my brain at times. I can't help myself from going back to the time I had my first PET scan thinking it was 'routine' as it was explained to me, only to have the results blow me out of the water. I can't help but relive that experience. But, each time I go to have one of these, it does get easier. The 'reliving' isn't as long as it used to be, the 'shroud' is getting smaller - and I have just learned to pray - pray it all away. Not in a denial kind of way, in a deep understanding kind of way. I can't walk around with this fear, this doubt, this fragilness. I have a family to take care of - I have a life to live to its fullest. It's the same through process, the process just seems to not take as long each time. I'm ready no matter what the results are - each time I have one of these.

So up my ass was this morning at 6am as I had to be there for my test at 7am - and I was actually looking forward to it. Perhaps because I haven't had a quiet moment in a week - for the first time I was actually kinda excited to be injected with some glowing radioactive stuff (I'm being dramatic here) and left in a completely dark room for 45 minutes. I laid there, prayed and snoozed. In fact, when I was actually having the scan done (which takes about 20 minutes) I fell asleep, wooden cross in hand, and woke myself up snoring. What am I, like 80? I'm surprised I didn't druel.

Should have results within the next 24-48 hours. They are usually pretty quick. I have this vision of a clean PET scan, then that allowing me to actually get excited about my upcoming surgery. Excited about my new boobies. I miss them.

I was blessed enough to reconnect with one of my NY friends this weekend, we talked on the phone for a spell Sat night, and he reminded me of something, in a very matter of fact kind of way. We hadn't actually spoken since my diagnosis although we communicated via FB and email, but we were speaking about a one woman show I had written with him and I said that I could write an whole different one now. He said 'Just add to the one you already have. Dina, breast cancer doesn't define you, you are way more than that - there is so much more to you than just breast cancer'. Wow. As simple as that sounds, I think I have been kinda living my life like it was - well, now I think I'm subconsciously melding the two back together, slowly, but I think I have been so entrenched in my breast cancer journey the past year, I have forgotten all the other things I was about. I am so grateful for this comment from my friend. He was so matter of fact about this, in a kind of 'duh!' but non-offensive kind of way. Thank you Wayne. Thank you.

Have to get ready for class tonight, my girls are BOTH taking an afternoon nap right now - that NEVER happens. Let's pray for 'unremarkable' test results, shall we?

God Bless -