Oh Pappa Tooney We Got A Looney!!!

Ok - so today was a little 'looney' for me. Not the whole day, just the afternoon actually. Woke up to this extremely sad breast cancer story on the Today show, then had a mini argument w/ PJ over the phone which is never fun, especially when I'm in another state - so the morning started off for me with a lot of tears. Cool part is, I was able to use some of my tools here to address them, and it was extremely interesting. Cool even.

Then, the afternoon came upon us - DUN DUN DAAAA!!!!! I encountered some individuals during an exercise that kinda had that creepy smile all the time even while I was asking them questions - their expression never changed, it was a total 'one of us' smile, does that make sense? VERY CREEPY. Not everyone is like this here, but I've encountered 2 of these people and it is frickin bizarre. Then I got very sleepy and wanted to go rest mainly cuz I didn't sleep real well last night and they thought this was my way of resisting the exercise - so they kinda didn't let me? It was strange. I mean, I certainly could have just left and come up to my room and taken a nap - but, again, the creepy people kinda swarmed on me and it was strange. I took refuge in the bathroom and had a nice long talk with Jesus and asked him to just get me through this. He did, of course, but WOW - weird.

One thing I can honestly say I am accomplishing here, on a positive note, is getting back to who I am. The Dina BEFORE breast cancer, and really getting to know her again, which is nice. It's like I've been wearing this 'breast cancer suit' that I haven't been able to take off - and I've been able to take it off here. It's been quite freeing actually. Mixed with a little KOOK! But, that keeps things interesting and as I'm typing this I need to realize I need to kick my sense of humor up a few notches - I mean, I've got 4 more days of this shit, ya know?

I do love spending time w/ my oncologist - and get to know her as a person has been such a gift. And I really have met some nice people, that is cool too.

I miss my family so much today, just so wish I could give my girls great big hugs and my hubby a huge smootch. I've never been away from them this long, ever. It's hard.

Got a call from the hospital where my surgery is going to be on the 9th and was informed that I need to show up to my surgery with $2300. I wish life could just stop while I was out of town, do you ever feel that way? That everything could come at you at your own pace? Seems I need to meet my deductible again for the year - so here we go. Pisses me off a bit because this wouldn't even be the case if I hadn't developed that infection, but I could look back and play the 'coulda woulda shoulda' game till I was blue in the face - still doesn't change the fact I gotta come up with this cash. I called and they will work out some sort of payment arrangement of course (I don't know many who could write a check for this like it was no big deal, but what do I know) it just sucks that there's another to add to the list. Maybe I should bring this to this course and they can help me create it differently? Hmmmmmm.

Well, I'm going to veg in front of the boob tube and let my mind be filled with someone else's garbage for a spell, sweet relief.

God Bless -