Let It Snow Let It Snow Let It Snow

I love the snow. Today's was absolutely beautiful here - driving Madeline to school in the snow storm - awesome. My niece is staying with us this week as well, while my mom is in Vegas having a fabulous time I'm sure, so she got quite a scene herself driving through the snow with us today. My niece is a cancer patient herself, brain cancer diagnosed when she was 2 - she is 22 now. God is so good.

In my Stephen Minister class today I realized just how much self-reflection is happening for me during this experience. Here I am thinking it is going to teach me how to handle people in crisis, which it is, but it is also extremely self revealing, humbling, sometimes embarrassing to learn new facets of your own personality - see it actually in black and white, own it and begin to face it. When you are learning to be a good caregiver, you need to face some issues in your own personality. I continue to thank God for this insight - it is absolutely incredible.

I have been having some pain today on my left side. Around where my drain was, but a dull pain just the same. I am hoping this is just the continued healing - which continues to go well. I am beginning to realize why people don't go through with the reconstruction - the healing has been amazing and I've been able to operate (and sleep) like a normal person for the past month and 1/2 - very tempting. Madeline asked me the other day while I was getting changed, "Mommy, why did the doctor take your boobies off?" I told her that I had cancer in them and they needed to be taken off, but I'll be getting some other boobies soon. I want to keep it simple, but don't' want to confuse her either. I think she gets it. I know she gets it. She continues to see just me, and it is so inspiring. Part of me gets so upset that she even has to ask me such a question, that she even has to know about this at all. On the other hand, I know it is teaching her something - something about people, and what makes them people. I'm so glad we didn't hide this from her - it wasn't even discussed between PJ and I to do that, it just was.

I get so tired by the end of the day. Is this normal? Is this me healing? Is this just the way I am now? I don't know. I am doing a lot of stuff I guess, but I think I remember having more energy before. I am falling asleep right now as I type. So frustrating.

Praying tonight for quiet, a house full of peaceful sleeping people who will sleep through the night. (please Ginger!) It fills my heart to have my niece staying with us. She and I played cards tonight and had a great time. She too has so much to teach me, I think this experience has made me ready to see it, if that makes sense.

Off to bed now, Madeline has a dentist appt wicked early in the am. Sorry if this post has been a ramble of sorts - I seem to be a bit out of sorts this evening.

God Bless -