Mom! My butt just threw up!

Madeline ran out of the bathroom this afternoon yelling this. Too funny. (no worries, the medication she is on causes some diarrhea - no problem here) This reminded PJ and I both of the first time it snowed when we moved here and she said "it's raining snow!". She is so awesome.

This week has been so strange already - and it's only Wed. We get so used to our little routines, don't we? Mine has just been thrown for a loop this week. Took Ginger to the dr this evening because she was pulling at her ear this morning and I went into a panic. I was afraid an ear infection may bring on a high temp, then another seizure. Luckily, she's fine. Just a cold and there's nothing we can do for that. Madeline is doing better, went to school today and even though her cough is wicked scary, she is actually doing fine. Try convincing everyone else that though. I was one of those parents too - but now that I get it, I'm one of the cool parents that totally gets it now. Thank GOD.

Speaking of God - had a great WOW session today. I feel like I almost got permission to do something HUGE today in first hour. Robyn was speaking about conquering your fears, and was relating it to the David and Goliath story. Today, amongst the many awesome things she shared, she shared something so simple, I almost didn't even notice she said it. She was talking about once you have conquered your fear, to let it go - and move on. I never even knew this was even an option. Obviously my fear was that this cancer would kill me. And I did conquer that, with God's guidance, quite a few times actually. It never occurred to me I could let go of that and just live my life. This will take some practice - but I did feel I was given permission to not lug this thing around with me, this 'cancer guilt pack' I have on my back. I've started taking this pack off and am slowly putting it down on the ground. A process indeed, but what a concept to me. Amazing.

PJ is going to be going back to NY for about 6 days next month. I do wish I could go with him (if only to get some decent FOOD for shits sake!) but I'm so happy he gets to go and see his coworkers face to face - for the first time many of them. It is certainly hard to manage people you've never met before. I think he needs a break too - I mean, my awesome husband. He's been tending to me and playing bread winner and the greater part of mom AND dad for the past 9 months nonstop. He deserves a little 'him' time I think. Then I will be going to a course recommended to me by my oncologist at the end of March for 9 days. She will actually be going with me. I'm wicked excited about this too. It will be good for us to get some time away and stretch those muscles a bit. I am nervous about being away from my girls that long - I've never been away from them that long before, ever. In fact, I haven't gone anywhere since we moved here - almost 3 years ago. Wow. Time to stretch Dina - time to stretch.

PJ and I are celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary this Friday - and I can't believe it's been 5 years. I can't believe all that has happened in 5 years of our marriage. From 1st child, to moving, to second child, to cancer - it seems like we've been together forever. Not in a bad way, in a way where I really don't remember what life was like before PJ. It's almost like my life began the moment I met him - as corny as that sounds. I am so blessed to have found him. I remember a moment in NY, I was alone in my apartment and had just left a friend of mine in a local pub who was about to make a HUGE mistake with a guy that we knew, and I was crying. I cried in my room for quite awhile. I realized that I had outgrown my NYC lifestyle, and knew it was not the lifestyle for me any longer, but didn't know what was - which in turn, left me very lonely. I was speaking to myself which I have always done a lot of (in retrospect, I was speaking with God) and described the man I knew I wanted to end up with in this life. The man was good looking, what I considered good looking, he was funny (HAD to be funny), was a computer geek but not in a geeky way, was confident in himself and didn't need me to 'build him up' or anything, self driven, appreciated the arts but had nothing to do with them performance wise, and was kind. I knew this was the person I wanted, and I vocalized it - this was in the summer of 2002. I knew that this was the person I wanted, and if I didn't meet him, I was perfectly content to live the rest of my life my myself. I met PJ the fall of 2002. He is exactly, and I mean exactly what I described. In fact, he is so much more than that. He is my true soul mate, and there isn't a day that goes by, literally, that I don't thank God for the gift I have been given. This person who has chosen to walk through life with me. In the most literal sense of the walk as well. I know he didn't know what he was in for when he married me, I mean, I think he THOUGHT he did, but who knew this wild ride, eh? I would not be here without him. God placed him in my path - and thankfully, I had enough sense to recognize it and scooped him up.

So - I looked up what kind of gift you are supposed to give for 5 years - know what it is? Wood. Wha????? The only thing I can think of is some sort of wood handled tool - which he would love I guess, it just doesn't seem very 'anniversary' like. I would have given him a hand cross, but we both already have one of those. I'm at a loss. I'll probably get him something beer related. That's what I always seem to be able to find. Wood. Whatever.

I'm going to try to get up early and get to the gym in the am before a meeting I have at 10. We'll see. It's already 11. Praying the girls will sleep through the night. I've been up every couple of hours for 5 nights in a row thus far - ouch. OH - any suggestions on the 'wood' gifts I will gladly take.

God Bless -