Genetic Testing - DONE

We were able to get into the genentic counselor today - which is great because we found out it takes 10-14 business days to get the results. Thank you God - I was able to get in this morning - the next available appt wouldn't have been till the 20th. Anyhow, this test is important because it tells if I am predisposed for the breast cancer gene - and after a 2 hour class basically of how chromosones work (thank you God again for my husband who I think was the only one who was able to follow 100% of the time) we decided to have this testing done. This will help me decide if we are taking the left breast as well as the right, and also have wonderful information for my daughters. Some people, as well as medical professionals, feel this information will cause discimination to my daughters by labeling them with a pre-existing condition and not eligible for health coverage. Let me state please, to everyone reading, that this is not true. It's especially not true because a law was passed last year and goes into effect in Nov of this year by the name of GINA law, the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act of 2008. The more information we have about our ancestry and the more information we have to give our children, the more we can prevent this disease and learn from it. I'm not going to preach anymore on this subject - if you want more info, please see http://imfhd.fighthd.com/2008/05/22/gina-passed-in-law.aspx.

Unfortunately, this means some waiting time for me. I'm probably looking at not having my surgery until mid May - I feel like any waiting I do is more time for this cancer to continue to grow within me. I just want it out. I'm starting to fully grasp not having breasts (well, real ones anyway) having breasts that are reconstructed will not look like natual breasts. My surgeon has already planted this seed to make sure I begin to digest this, cuz this is going to be a shocker. With reconstruction also comes, no feeling in my breasts. This is why I would love to be able to save one if I could. I don't even care if they don't match - I think I've come to the conclusion that feeling is way more important that how it looks. Let's hope I hang onto THIS tiny jewel of insight considering what's coming with treatment, right? I think I'm starting to be able to accept not being able to feel anything in my breasts, strange.

PJ and I are having some of our best conversations on the drives to and from Phoenix. We are also having our best laughs. One thing this is bringing us is time together in the car, alone. Something we haven't had for some time come to think of it. I'm so lucky to have a husband that is my very best friend. And I sincerely mean, my very best friend. We talked about me losing my hair when I start chemo - since as vain as this sounds, this is going to be tremendously hard to cope with for me. We talked about a wig, and I thought I would feel silly walking around with a wig on since everywhere I go on a regular basis is full of people who know I have this - so it won't be like I'm going to pull one over on anyone - and it's not like they would see me and think "wow! her hair grew back fast!" So I think I'll just go Sinead O'Connor and pick out one of these hat/turban/scarf things they sell. Although, I'm going to really do some research here cuz they are all very old lady looking to me. We can't all pull off the 1920's movie star look here - and I look horrible in red lipstick, I look like a hooker. So great - I'll get to look like a bald hooker. No thank you. But I'm glad I'm already trying to wrap my brain around it, to start preparing for it - if that's possible.

My children are angels. I just got done playing with them while watching Enchanted (very cute movie) and I have to say - they are such motivation for me to just put my head down and get through this. I just want to do everything I'm supposed to do and someone will tell me when I'm all done, "good job Dina - it's gone". I'm praying very hard for this. I have so much to teach them, about life, being a woman in this world, being a strong woman and still being feminine, and the importance of a sense of humor. My girls are the best - Madeline again pats my boob today and tells me I can have one of her bandaids, and my little Ginger just kisses and hugs me all the time. It is absolutely precious. My husband told me he will shave his head too when I lose my hair. I am touched by this, but know he's also wanted to do this for sometime. Finally an excuse, eh? ;-)

My mom and Britt are coming up tomorrow and we are going to do all the fun Easter things, and my mom's birthday is Sunday. How blessed I am to get to share this holiday and birthday with her. Ironically, she had just started her chemo this time last spring, and we all went down to Phx to spend Easter with her cuz she was just so tired. Funny how things turn out.
Talk to everyone tomorrow, and Happy Good Friday to all.

dina