Houston? We Have Eyebrows!!!

First of all, I need to apologize for not posting normally last week - I was really flakey about it. I've been experiencing 'tired' like I have never felt before. This has been nothing like 'chemo tired' - this has been utter exhaustion. This is what 'healing' feels like - and it's frustrating as all hell. I will be all gung ho and ready in the am, set out and ready to be Super Mom 2009 - then come 2-3pm, I can barely keep my eyes open. I usually nap, unless I get busy doing something else which Nancy chastises me for - and when I do, I wake up so refreshed, it's like this is the first time I've been so in tune to my body and what it needs - it's really bizarre. Amazing what sleep and rest can do to a healing body. Heals it - go figure! So anyway, I need to get into a better 'healing' routine is all. I went to blog Thurs night and literally fell asleep in my Lazy Boy, laptop open and all - it was pitiful. I should have had PJ take a picture - pitiful.

This weekend was probably one of the most emotionally draining but spiritually satisfying weekends I've ever had. And even though PJ and I were sitting there this evening at dinner looking at each other across the table just so tired, I thank God that I was finally able to have a BUSY weekend - Woo Hoo! I can't remember the last time I had the physical energy to just be busy.

Friday night my Dad gave us his Sundog tickets (for those of you who aren't aware, we have a hockey team up here in the sticks - they aren't doing real great this year, but it's a blast to go) so we went to dinner and then went to the game. We had a blast and I even had a couple glasses of wine which felt awesome. Sat morning we woke up early and headed down to Phx. PJ went to attend the memorial service for his friend who recently passed away, and the girls and I hung out with my mom and Britt. It was an extremely emotional day for PJ. I wanted so badly to go with him, but then again wanted him to have this time to himself as well. I know he would have asked me if he wanted me there, but something inside be just told me to give him his space with this. I didn't know Scott, his friend who died, I had only met him a couple times. I know PJ pretty well, and knew that HE knew I was here. Then we head back up to Dewey as the Lutheran church was holding a benefit dinner for me and my family, helping us by raising money to pay for medical bills. This is where I gave my testimony. Anyone who isn't clear on what that means, well, it's where you get up in front of people and talk about your spiritual journey and how it came to be. Needless to say, it is a very raw, revealing experience. I have never been one to shy away from public speaking (you're shocked I'm sure) but this was different. I had a nervousness and excitement combined feeling. I was eager to share my story, and scared to death at the same time. But I did it - and it made it easier to know I told my story to a room full of people I pretty much knew. Friends, good friends, all them there in one room. It was amazing. They did video, so once it is all put together, I think I'll post it here for anyone to listen to who is interested. Why not. It felt amazing to share my journey - and although at first I felt like I was just reading it, eventually I was talking, just talking to all these people, like I was sitting in my living room with my best friends, sharing some deep thoughts on stuff. Comfortable. Very cool.

Then today we were back down in Phx after church to have lunch with Sean and Joe, a meeting we've been wanting to have with them for months - damn cancer, just seems to steal all our time away. We wanted to all sit down to discuss PJ and Sean's dad, and the care he needs now with his dementia. I think even though it started out a bit rough, it was a really wonderful experience. We all seem to be on the same page now, which is what we need to make a more conscious effort to tune into and do more often. Time - it just slips away so fast lately.

So who knew how fast eyelashes grew? I can't believe it! If I hadn't mentioned it before, wouldn't it just figure that once I ended my chemo, THEN I lost my eyelashes and eyebrows - but now, they're growing back and I am so thrilled. Funny though, I'm sitting on my bathroom counter this evening with tweezers in hand - plucking them out just as fast as they're growing back in. Hey, they have to be tended to & manicured!!!!

I try to look back and remember how I felt during chemo - and it's really hard to remember. Isn't that strange? I mean, I know if someone brought something up to me about it, I'd remember in a heartbeat, but you really do just put it out of your mind - strange. I'm painfully aware of what looking normal was like, now that I'm starting to resemble that person, somewhat, again. It's almost like I got used to painting on my eyebrows, and thickening up the eyeliner - now I have to learn to do this all differently. Ya know, it's like it's making me care what I look like again, and I really liked not caring before. Isn't that ironic? I hope that I can retain that sense of inner self, and still get excited about using mascara again - because if I could combine the two worlds, I think that would make for a pretty awesome human experience here on earth, don't you? Letting your inner self drive you and just having fun with the physical self. Hmmmm.

As much going as we did this weekend, I cannot complain. We are 'homebody' type people, we need our quiet family time here at home on the weekends to reconnect, regroup, revive ourselves. When we don't get that we (I mean PJ and I) kinda feel like 'fish out of water', lost in a way, like we haven't had time to just sit and take it in. But ya know what? I CAN remember weekends where I couldn't get out of bed because I was that tired, or felt sick during chemo - so I am so grateful and blessed that I had the energy to be busy again. I can feel myself changing as I slowly transition into the 'new' Dina. Whoever she is. I pray I am continually aware of these shifts in my way of thinking, and that I never take these little things for granted, and that just the slightest shift in how you perceive something can make ALL the difference in the impact it has on you, and others. Amazing.

My little Madeline has a runny nose today - I think it's a combination of a number of things, mostly her just being a kid and in school, and us dragging her to and from Phoenix twice in a weekend. I'll keep her home tomorrow if she isn't any better in the morning, she was pretty yukky when I put her to bed, poor thing.


Off to recliner with me now, so hope you all had a great weekend. I just read this and it kinda goes along with what I was just saying:

You will always face trouble in this life. But more importantly, you will always have Me with you, helping you to handle whatever you encounter. Approach problems with a light touch by viewing them in My revealing light.

Pretty cool.

God Bless.