You Can Call Me Scabby!

I know - gross right? Tell me. Seems the left side (the side where there was NO cancer - go figure) isn't healing correctly. A small 'hole' formed in the scab forming, so I thought I needed to call my dr this morning and see what they said about this. Well, my nurse contact kinda freaked out. She said they didn't want to wait until Thurs to see me - so I have to go in tomorrow morning. She seems to feel that there's a possiblity the expander is exposed. If this is the case, there's a possibility they need to do surgery again. Now, I'm not a doctor, we all know this, not sure why I just said it, but I don't think it's that serious. I think the surgical site needs to be cleaned out (cue butt puckering) and then a few more stitches are needed (cue really BIG butt puckering). But, what do I know. We'll see tomorrow - nothing like my 3rd trip to phx in the last 4 days. Gotta luv it.

Kept Madeline home today, she has a runny nose still, and I think I'll keep her home tomorrow too. Just don't want anyone else to have to wipe her yukky nose, I know I always found that annoying. Another quiet day, although it will drive her further into boredom, won't hurt her. I even got her to nap today, which was helpful. She just started going a little stir crazy this evening, can't really blame her.

Speaking of stir crazy - I had a moment this afternoon where I literally wanted to crawl out of my skin and scream at the top of my lungs. I don't know what this was caused by, but I have an idea where this is coming from. I think something is transitioning in my brain. I was all 'fight fight fight' for 7 months straight, and although I have this healing going on, I'm no longer 'fighting the cancer'. My brain is starting to catch up to this, and I think is freaking out a bit. It's like I almost have to figure out how to be me again, whoever that is now. I mean, I know who I am, but there are times during the day that I just don't know what to do with myself - I don't know how else to explain it. Like I should be DOING something - and there's nothing to do and it makes me crazy. I guess I subconsiously got accustomed to the part of me I dedicated to fighting, now that I don't have to really do that anymore, this energy needs to go someplace else - maybe that's it. It comes out in wierd ways right now. I guess I just need to listen to myself, give myself a little bit of grace, and try to relax. Hmmm. We'll see.

So my eyelashes are all of sudden REALLY growing! It's amazing! I'm so excited to have some now - I didn't realize how much I missed them but they seem to grow literally overnight. What an interesting experience this is. So funny that here I thought I had gotten all the way through chemo with them still intact, thin, but intact, then I finish chemo and they all fall out. Isn't that just the shits. But, good thing is, I didn't have to wait too long for them to come back - I noticed them starting like, last week I think coming back. They are getting wicked long now - so cool.

Looks like I'll have 9 of us for Thanksgiving. I'm actually very excited. Everyone is bringing something so I don't have to cook everything, which is really nice. How blessed I am, just 30 days after my surgery, I am able to have family in my home for Thanksgiving. God is so good. Every year I bake pumpkin bread - my mothers receipe that is the BEST - and I make these mini loaves for people - I just tallied how many I need to make this year - 25. Holy crap, good thing I can make 6 at a time. It's funny though, I was just telling PJ this evening, I'm surprised I feel good about everyone bringing food - I usually like to do all of this myself. This year, I'm just so tired, I'm not finding the baking and cooking all too appetizing and I'm really bummed about that. This is usually so much fun for me, and I'm just so tired - gee, don't know why. ;-)

Speaking of which, gotta go. Tired and healing. I'm so impatient, I just with this would heal so I could get started with these fills so we could get this show on the road here! Patience, patience, patience. Wish me luck at the dr tomorrow - praying for a simple nip/tuck. I mean, who isn't, really.

God Bless