Move Over Bacon! Now there's something Meatier!

Greetings this late Sunday evening. I hope everyone had a great weekend. Ours was just lovely to be honest. I think The Mountcastle's needed some 'regrouping' time, and I think we got it this weekend. We're all such homebodies - it's nice.

Madeline had her Thanksgiving program on Friday, and although it was very cute, my husband was literally on the phone working the entire time - so it had this sense of discouragement around it that we all acknowledged and were all equally bummed about. This continued into Friday evening when I finally suggested we go to dinner at the local Mexican food joint and have a margarita. Amazing what that can do for you - and I don't mean that in a 'I'm not an alcoholic!' kind of way, just the need to get out of the house and relax.

So I had mentioned that I was going to pop a squat at the H1N1 clinic early Sat morning, right? Well I did - I was there around 7:15 am and lo and behold, I am the first one in line. Awesome, right? I thought so too - so here's the plan: I was to go and stake out a spot in line, then PJ would bring the girls closer to the time when the doors open so the girls didn't have to stand around in the cold. I notice that people are really starting to show up around, say, 8am or so - so I called PJ to tell him that perhaps he wanted to get there closer to 8:45am rather than 9, when they were supposed to open. Well, he didn't get there at 8:45, he got there more like, 8:55 - and guess what? They opened the doors at 8:45 - so by the time all who were in line got past me, PJ and the girls showed up. Fortunately, we were still able to get Ginger the shot - which was the whole point. And yes, I was pissed that I sat there from 7:15 to 9 for no reason. But as I drove home, vocalizing my frustrations in a rather loud tone, I realized that at least Ginger got the shot (I realize I'm repeating myself here, doing this on purpose) and that was really the most important thing. I know it's hard to get 2 kids out of the house, especially when one is a new toddler - it's frustrating as all hell sometimes. And I think it's harder for men sometimes than women to do this - sorry to sound sexist here, but I do. By the time I got home, we were really onto other things. I can remember a time, not too long ago, ummm let's see, before cancer? yes - when I would have let this set the tone for my entire weekend. Seriously - I totally let it go. HUGE for me - silly to some, but HUGE for me. I spent the day baking pumpkin bread with Madeline and we had a great time. We put on our aprons and I taught her how to crack an egg. She was really more into feeling the raw egg in the bowl than cracking it, but she did a great job. So I made 3 batches of bread, and one that I totally screwed up. I must remember, cooking with a pre-schooler sometimes causes you to forget ingredients. I had a batch of 'reservoir bread' come out - each little loaf was all sunken down in the center. I called my mom and she said, 'well, it's the baking soda that makes it rise D' - as soon as she said that I knew I had completed spaced it. So funny. I think I spent the entire day on Sat in the kitchen and I loved it. I was just so happy that I finally had the energy to actually BE in the kitchen all day. I made the bread, a meal for my neighbor who is sick, then dinner for us.

It's so funny - I was talking to my mom again today, we were discussing this weeks Thanksgiving Day menu and making plans, and I mentioned when I was going to clean the house. She said "don't go crazy cleaning D" and you know, I can honestly say that is the LAST thing I am worried about. Me! Not worried about cleaning! Can you believe these words are coming out of my mouth? Me - the one fondly refered to by those who REALLY know me as 'Monica'. I can't believe it. I can honestly say, that I will 'tidy up' but it's really not something I am stressing about at all. In fact, I just want to make sure we've got the dinner part covered, then it's really 'fend for yourself'. My bathrooms will be clean, because that completely grosses me out, but everything else will just be 'lived in' and comfortable. I'm not trying to impress anyone - I want people to come over, hang out and hopefully feel comfortable enough to fall asleep on my couch. That would make the perfect Thanksgiving. People come, eat, and be happy. (and pee in a clean bathroom)

So this evening, after the kids were bathed and I was starting on dinner, PJ told me I needed to walk outside - don't turn the lights on, just walk outside and enjoy. So I did - and it was amazing. I walked out on our driveway, and the sun had pretty much just gone down, and this sliver of a moon lit the sky. There are no street lights in our neighborhood, it is pitch black and you can see tons of stars in the sky - and it was completely silent. I encourage all to do this from time to time. I didn't realize how noisy our house was. Not that that is a bad, not at all - but it is quite calming to take 2 minutes and walk outside, feel the cool air, smell the fireplaces and listen to nothing.

I am overwhelmed tonight by how blessed I am. That I have been given a 2nd chance at this life and how much I want to make it count. I thought I was thankful before cancer - I was able to acknowledge that I had what some others don't, and I thanked God for it. Now, that thankfulness is rooted deeper in my soul - almost like I was aware before, but not invested - now, I'm invested and I can feel it from the core of my soul. I hear my family together and can't help but cry tears of joy that I'm here and actually able to hear them. I watched Madeline make Ginger laugh so hard today there were tears in her eyes, I listened to PJ through the monitor sing to the girls and play with them - he is such an awesome Dad. What a wonderful example to them of what a real man is. He's setting the bar really high. And I'm here - listening, watching, taking it all in. Being present, being in the moment, THAT is what it's about. When you are able to tune into this, it's amazing.

In church today, Pastor George & Nancy 's message was about blessings. How we are blessed by God, then we in turn take that gift, and bless others. So while we are thanking God for all we have been given this year, I think we also need to remember to give of ourselves to others as well. The trick here is, do this because it's the right thing to do - not because you are looking for a reaction or a thank you. If we are giving just to be acknowledged, maybe we need to re-think why we're giving in the first place. It's like the old saying 'It doesn't pay to be nice' - well, if we're wanting to be paid, in whatever form, to be nice, we probably need to rethink why we're being nice - right? I'm not saying it's easy, it takes a lot of grace and confidence to give without acknowledgement - it's in our nature as humans to want to fulfill this insecurity. We all like a 'pat on the back' for doing good. But really, isn't knowing that we made someones life a little better, their day a little easier, isn't that enough? I'm working on this - I just think it is an amazing way to view life, and the impact we can have on each others lives - that's what God wants of us, I believe.

Well, tired now. Need to climb into my chair and sleep. Did try the bed the other night, and although I did sleep, I wasn't able to move as well as I have learned to in the chair. But I'm getting stronger and more mobile as the days pass - and I almost have full eyebrows and eyelashes now. I will never take them for granted again. ;-)

God Bless -