Lord Almighty I forgot to take my Percocet!

In all the things I had to prepare for this morning, I forgot to pop a percocet on our way to Phx so I would be relaxed when I saw the doctor. See, he just gets right in there and pokes and prods around in this open wound - enough to make your butt pucker with excitement - it's revolting. Did I remember? Nope. Yikes.

So we decorated the house last night so Nancy could enter into a Birthday Extravaganza this morning - Happy Birthday Nancy! We figured since she had to spend her special day with my kids, we should make it as festive as possible. She also had to take Madeline to school w/ Ginger in tow as our appt was early this morning in Phx. Thank you Nancy! (I will never be able to say that enough to this woman) We get there and basically, after discussing the need for a Ford F350 (another blog perhaps) he says 'this looks fine, let me clean it up - lie back'. Ahhh shit!! That's when I realized I hadn't prepared myself. OK! Just stay focused on PJ - who tried his hardest not to look at what the doc was doing, but, he's a guy and loves the gross stuff I guess - I, however, did NOT look at anything. He says to keep doing what we're doing, I can take a shower now (thank you God), no more antibiotics needed, and - drum roll please - the lifting restrictions are done. Yipee!!!! Now, I'm not going to run home, grab Ginger and throw her up in the air - I'm going to take it slow and build up but I am thrilled. I actually gave Ginger her milk this evening the way I used to - not all 'accommodating' stance like - it was great.

I was trying to explain to PJ on the way home that I was trying to figure out how to transition into this new phase of my relationship with God. During treatment we connected in many, specific moments - treatment, prayer circle, church, my own private time. Now, I just have church and my own private time and I really feel lost without this other dedicated time. Like I'm missing something - and what I talk about with him is changing - and that feels weird too. Like how friends change and become different friends to you at different times in your life I guess - right? I don't know. PJ kept suggesting that I 'go volunteer' somewhere - and that's just not what I was getting at. This is not about giving back, that is something completely separate for me that I am handling already (baby steps, I know) - this is a shift in a relationship that I'm trying to process. Maybe, what I need to do is actually talk to Him about it - that just occurred to me this very moment. Duh. I talk to Him about everything else, since this is concerning Him, ya think He'd want to be clued in here? Jeesh. What a dork I am.

Something I'm making a conscious effort to change lately in me is my patience with my kids. They don't really get that I had cancer, or treatment, or surgery, or another surgery - they still push mommy's buttons just like any other kid does. I realized I want to discipline them by choice, not my reaction - and sometimes, my reaction is what comes out first. Looking back at situations, if I really had time to think about it, I would have responded differently because I would CHOOSE to discipline rather than simply react to their behavior. Cancer has made be get really REAL with myself, and this is something about me I need to work on. I am praying for patience - to train myself to take the time to CHOOSE and not REACT. Does that make sense? It's hard - really hard, especially when you're tired - but that is when it counts the most. As I teach my children, the right thing to do is usually the hardest - that's why many don't choose to do the right thing. But we are strong, and we choose the right thing to do - and it makes God proud. I need to practice what I preach here. Just talking about it here is helping already. Who knew?

So I actually get to start thinking about Thanksgiving finally tomorrow. I've had so much going on - I was able to get all the pumpkin bread made (32 loaves total by the way - yes, I am completely insane) and we have the turkey and stuffing and that's about it. I know everyone else is bringing stuff - I just haven't thought of it all coming together in my home - until now. And we just added another - so it's 10 people now. Well, 8 really, Madeline and Ginger barely count as 1 together food wise. I get to be a stay at home mom again for the first time since my surgery tomorrow morning as Madeline is on fall break - and I'll tidy up the house. Not going crazy, just don't really care to is all. Looking forward to having a house full of people.

One thing I'm experiencing which I haven't mentioned yet - is joint pain. It's getting kinda bad too - especially today. This is a side effect of the Femara that I need to take daily. When I wake up in the morning, my fingers are wicked stiff and it hurts to bend them. That has been going on for awhile now and I really think I'm growing accustomed to it. However, today, I started feeling it in my knees and my hips - and that really is uncomfortable. When I sit for any length of time, then go to get up - it is really painful to start moving. I feel like I'm a hundred years old! I'm hoping exercise will help with this - and Advil - don't know what else to take for it. But I have to say, I'm going to have to find some relief for this - it makes it really hard to get up and down to play with my kids - which completely sucks. I go back and forth, 'just be grateful you're here Dina!" and I am, dear God I thank Him for this every day - but I need to find some relief from this. Maybe today was just a really bad day. I'll pray for that. Oh - and no more constipation - so there's that. Hip Hip Hooray for Pooping! As Madeline says 'Everybody poops Mom!'

Well, off I go to take a shower - yes! It's the little things, ya know. What a gift I've been given to notice the little things, appreciate moments with people, relish in the laughter of my husband and I being completely juvenile and giggly on the way home today - what a gift. On this note I need to share an except from yesterday's devotional that is absolutely beautiful - this is such an awesome way to start your day - I read this out loud to PJ and myself this morning, and it made a HUGE difference for us.

As you go through this day, look for tiny treasures strategically placed along the way. I lovingly go before you and plant little pleasures to brighten your day. Look carefully for them, and pluck them one by one. When you reach the end of the day, you will have gathered a lovely bouquet. Offer it up to Me with a grateful heart. Receive My Peace as you lie down to sleep, with thankful thoughts playing a lullaby in your mind.

God Bless