Too Much Information

Well, the trip to the dr office this morning was indeed needed. The good thing, is the expander was still intact and not exposed. This is good, very good. But, it is not healing correctly and my dr indeed cleaned it out and now I have an open wound. I didn't think it possible for me to get any more skeeved out - but alas, it has happened. I need to pack this open wound twice a day with gauge pads. My dr explained it this way - he said that with mastectomy's this is pretty common, especially with this 'draw string purse' type of closure. Breast tissue is full of blood vessels, essential in healing - since all that tissue is removed in a mastectomy, healing takes a lot longer because the only blood vessels in that area are the ones just under the skin. They're working like, triple time to heal this huge wound - and it's working fine on the right side, not so good on the left. So we have to start from the inside out now. I have to rinse gauge pads in saline, pack them in the open wound, then cover them with dry gauge pads and tape them down.

I chose to take a percocet about an hour before my appointment - THANK YOU GOD! Now, I couldn't feel him doing this (thanks again Big Guy) but could feel pressure - and just stayed focused on PJ the whole time. I'm actually about to go and change the dressings for the first time, and I don't know if I want to do it to myself, or if I want to ask PJ to do this. (need I say again how very blessed I am to have PJ? this once again, much more than he bargained for) I almost think I'd be better handling this if it was on my arms, or my leg, or even my belly - but my chest, it's just so - personal - no escaping it, it's just right there. Arg. I'm sure I'll get used to this too, I got used to so many other things, this too will become the 'temporary new normal' for a time - I just feel like screaming 'CAN'T THEY JUST HEAL LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO PLEASE! ENOUGH ALREADY!'.

Alright, I realize I'm bitching - I'll probably complain about this for another day then I'll pipe down. Yuk. It's just yukky.

I now know the Walgreens pharmacy workers by name - and they know me. It's actually quite comforting, and good to know that finally I have a positive experience in Walgreens. Which is good, I really love Walgreens. Always have. :-)

So, I baked 12 mini loaves of pumpkin bread tonight - and put my kids to bed without any help cuz PJ had a meeting to attend. Yipee!!! I'm so excited to be getting so much stronger. I just need to get this left one healed and I'll be on my way. Doc says it's going to take about 6 weeks to get this healed properly - we won't start my fills until after the first of the year. That sounds fine to me. I can't imagine fills in the condition I'm in right now - yikes.

I am continually humbled by people's generosity - this Pasta & Praise dinner did so much for me and my family - emotionally and financially. The words 'thank you' just don't seem to do my feelings justice anymore. I just don't know what to say anymore. I just cry tears of joy, tears of humility, tears of gratitude. Sometimes I think how can I possibly have anymore tears to cry, and they continue to fall, thank God.

I don't know how many people have heard the latest news on mammograms - but I for one cannot support it. Basically they are saying there's really no need to be checked until you are basically 50. I think this sucks - but I also realize that I am one of those cases that doesn't fall into the 'norm'. But does that make it ok? I don't think so. I think everyone counts, and every case is important. Statistics are important too, I just wish stats would also follow up with 'there are also cases that fall outside these statistics - so listen to your body and ask your physician for what you think is right' that would at least help. It is just scary to me that this disease in a younger woman, such as myself, could now go undetected for a long period of time because someone is latching their fear (which we ALL have) onto the advices dispensed right now that it's OK to wait to have a mammogram.

Off to bed for me now. I think Madeline will be OK for school tomorrow, and I get to have coffee with a good friend of mine. Also, Madeline and I get to have lunch together, just she and I, before her haircut appt. So cute.

Thank you all for your thoughts, your prayers, your well wishes. They continue to work within me and heal me. Thank you. I certainly have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

God Bless -