Mommy? How are your boobies feelin today?

What an awesome question to be greeted with from my 4 year old as I get her dressed for school today. She is so funny, she asks me this, I tell her that they're getting better, then she 'air' kisses them. She is the best.

I didn't write last night because, well, I didn't have anything to talk about actually - for the first time in a long time. And, although technically this is Wed, I'm calling this my Tues night post, so there will most likely be 2 posts for today. Confusing.

Today was good. I have felt better today than I have since my surgery - so that has been great. I had a doctors appt today w/ my reconstructive surgeon who said I was healing just fine. I had meant to try to describe this earlier, but having surgery on your chest isn't like having something done somewhere else on your body - arg. I don't know if I am going to be able to explain this accurately. Let's see - say I cut my finger real bad - or my arm - and I have to get stitches. I'm the kind that will let a doc do what he needs to do, but I'll turn away, I don't want to watch. Well, when it's your chest - where do you turn? It is so personal, and so quite literally 'in your face' it's wicked uncomfortable. It's like you can't escape your own uncomfortableness - does that even make sense? Case in point, we go to the dr today and I sit there in my paper gown (who designed these awful things!) and in he comes, I open the paper gown and he starts poking my chest - he's seeing if there is any fluid build up since he removed the drains, none - which is great, but whoa - so 'in your face' and OUCH! Wasn't prepared for this. Here's the gross part - my left incision isn't healing the way the right one is, and I have to come back in another week for him to look at this. If it still isn't healing right, he is going to 'clean it out and stitch it back up'. Did that just make your butt pucker? Mine did - yikes! Are you serious? I have a hard time touching my incisions, let alone my dr - now let's add 'cleaning and stitching' to the mix. I think I'm going to throw up. I know, I need to just suck it up, but this whole surgery continues to really skeeve me out - like nails on a chalkboard, it is so strange! I mean, I went through 5 months of weekly chemo and all the wondrous side effects that brings, you'd think this would be a cake walk in comparison - it is not. I'm not liking this at all.

Ok - enough bitching - just know I'm going to vent here about this, and it will be more graphic than the other stuff I've discussed - gotta let it out somewhere. I can't imagine what my 'fills' are going to feel like. Butt pucker again.

I finished writing my testimony tonight and I did a test read through with PJ - at the end, we figured it was about a 10 tissue testimony. We need to get it down to like, half that. Heavy shit. Good shit, just heavy. I'm really looking forward to getting to see and thank this community directly - they've done so much for me.

I baked 6 loaves of pumpkin bread tonight, which is why it's 1am and I'm sitting here typing - but I wanted to get some to my Sedona medical staff, who I am seeing tomorrow for my Zometa treatment, before Thanksgiving. I won't see them again until Dec - so I needed to get this baked tonight. All done, but I am exhausted.

Have a great day tomorrow, and I"ll check back later with news from Sedona.

PJ and I are thinking of just posting the chemo cam in its entirety and not worry about editing it - what do you think? It's like an hour or something, you could fast forward through the boring parts I guess - we'll see.

God Bless -