It Hurts To Be Cold!!

Had a good weekend. My brother in law had offered right after my surgery, to come up and help us out - which he did this weekend and what a blessing it was. He cleaned my ceiling fans - bless his heart. Mostly, I think it meant the most to see my kids love on him. To see my little Ginger hug his leg then ask him to pick her up. And of course Madeline just wants his undivided attention all the time, always has. It is so frustrating to not be able to do stuff - simple stuff like get a cereal bowl or carry the groceries in or get my kid out of her high chair. So I'm going to certainly as my dr at this weeks appointment, when I can start doing more stuff. Rest assured, I've been pretty good about following his orders. No lifting anything more than 5 lb the first 2 weeks (now past - yea!) and no lifting anything more than 10 lb the following 4 weeks. I have been reaching for some things that have felt strained. I never realized how high up I put things I use all the time - very annoying. If I were a shorter person, I would not want to live with me. And to be honest, my body lets me know pretty quickly when I am doing something I shouldn't be doing. So that makes it easy to correct.

I decided I wanted to try to lie down in my bed on Sat - I thought - hey, I think I can do this now! So it took me a bit, but I was able to lie down in bed like I normally do, on my right side. Laid there for about 20 seconds, and the pain started in. Don't think my chest is quite ready to lay sideways yet - so up I came and here I still sleep, in the recliner. Again, I think I'll know when I can transition - just not yet. Doh!

It hurts my chest to be cold. This is the weirdest sensation I will try to describe here. Ya know when you get cold, sometimes you get chills that kinda hurt a little bit? It's like a stinging sensation? Well, oddly enough, this happens to me quite often, and the feeling across my chest when this happens it painful. Not horribly painful, just uncomfortable. Weird thing is, I can't really feel anything on the surface on my breasts, I feel this on the inside. So strange. Wouldn't ya know it - I'd go through chemo in the summer so I'd lose all my hair and it be too hot and sweaty to really wear all the cute hats and such, let alone a wig - then have my mastectomy in the winter when i get cold all the time. We just can't plan these things, can we? Damn cancer.

Church this morning was really great. I won't get into the entire message, but one thing Pastor George said this morning really hit me. He said (and I may be paraphrasing here) God gives us the gift of life; what we do with it is our gift back to Him. I was in tears when he said this. I feel so called to this sentiment - and feel like I am at this crossroads in my life where I am about to take a turn, what turn I don't know yet, but a turn in this realm of thinking. I am so blessed to have this precious gift of life that has been given to me - not once, but twice. I just think this puts our time here on earth in such a wonderful perspective.

The Lutheran church is having a dinner for me this coming weekend, to help us offset costs of this last surgery, and they have asked me to give my testimony. First of all, what an awesome thing they are, and continue to do for me. I am so humbled. I'm nervous about this, and excited too. Nervous I will find the words to properly explain my testimony, and excited to finally have an opportunity to thank all these wonderful people who have shown me and my family such outrageous love. I've been working on my testimony for the last week, and it has been an emotional ride to relive this journey. Amazing though - to think this all has happened, from start to finish - diagnosis, treatment, surgery - all in just under 7 months. Amazing.

Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts and good wishes. Thank you for continuing to feed me and my family. As much as I want to go back to being me, this healing stuff really makes you wicked tired, and the meals help so much.

Have a great week all and God Bless -