Watch It! Or I'll Empty My Drain On You!

Wouldn't THAT be disgusting! I am so ready to be rid of these things, I can't even tell you. To describe as best I can what these are - I have a thin tubing coming out of the bottom of my new breasts that sucks excess fluid from the wounds and it then collects that fluid in a little plastic grenade looking thingy at the end of the tubing - one of these are hanging out of each breast connected fastened to my skin by a suture - and they've been there obviously since the surgery. I empty these thingys about every 4-6 hours. Because they are just hanging there, I have to wear this 'camisole looking thing' that has pockets on the inside to hold the little grenade looking things so they aren't all flopping around and also cuz that would be VERY painful if they were just hanging down. Soooo, to hide all of this contraption under my shirt, I need to wear men's shirts that button down and are bulky enough to conceal all this comfortably - which doesn't really lend itself to being real helpful on the whole 'lesbian' front. Guess all I'm really missing is the Birkenstock, eh? Point is, I get these taken out tomorrow, so I can finally start to wear some of MY clothes, not boys clothes. Looking forward to that, and not having to manage all this 'stuff' under my shirt any longer. Not sure if I'll be able to sleep in my bed yet - I've been sleeping in the Lazy Boy as it's easier to get up and down. We'll see.

Driving Madeline to school this morning was not too terribly bad. I learned real quick I had to turn the steering wheel differently to accommodate the fact that I can't reach to the 10 o'clock/2 o'clock position, but I compensated. Then once I realized I couldn't turn around like I was used to doing to back out of a parking space, I came to the conclusion that today, I drove just like all the people up here that used to drive me CRAZY. I was one of those people today. So, for those of you who get frustrated with people who drive slowly or have a weird look on their face or are being really careful - remember, it could be someone who just had a mastectomy with reconstruction and they are now driving with chicken arms. It could be me. Have patience. God is teaching me patience on a whole new level this week.

It felt good though to get out and be Madeline's mommy. Met my friend for her birthday for coffee, and had the most lovely time. The weather up here is just stunning. This is my most favorite time of year.

I wish I could explain the metamorphosis that is occurring within me due to this surgery. It's like everything I've gone through so far has had it's own set of 'inner growth' lessons to teach me. I never have any idea what to expect, but these spiritual journeys are so amazing. I am so connected to myself, through God, on such a deep, spiritual level. I've let go of the great importance I used to place on the physical, and am driven by my soul, if that makes any sense. Not that I've 'let myself go' or anything like that - quite the contrary - but when I'm out in public, my self consciousness is gone - it's just gone. I can't tell you how freeing this is. I think that is why when I do hear inappropriate things from people, it really shocks me. It's like it takes awhile for my brain to stop and back up for those who 'missed the bus' of appropriate behavior, ya know? Don't get me wrong, I'm not accosting those who know not what they speak - I know we can't all say and feel the right things to all people all of the time, I get that. But I can at least make fun of them for just a little while - then I can forgive them. Right?

Very tired tonight, and my mom and Britt are leaving tomorrow. What a blessing they have been to me here. They cooked dinner and did my laundry for me and took such good care of Ginger while PJ worked. How very blessed I am to have my family here to help me. How blessed I am that my family WANTS to help me. My mom is going to have cataract surgery on Wed so they need to head back down to Phx and get ready to go. I wish I could go down and help her, but alas, no. So I pray.

Hopefully I will have a drain free post tomorrow, wish me luck.

God Bless -