Please, no more snow days.

I love the snow. I'm one of those crazy people who really, really love the snow and cold weather. I think it's absolutely beautiful. I'd much rather be in a huge warm sweater than sweating in a tank top. Of course, you haven't seen me in a tank top, but I have - and trust me, you'd pick the warm sweater as well. So yes, I was doing the internal happy dance when school was cancelled for Thurs and Fri due to weather conditions. We had a great time, we made pizzas and sock puppets, cuddled on mom's bed in the morning and watched Scooby Doo - it was awesome. However, Madeline has this energy, this energy that I can only assume she lets out in school - or outside - somewhere. It has been let loose in my home, and it is out of control. She is a crazy child, and she needs to go back to school. I love her dearly, but please, God, let there be school tomorrow.

I think the weather ended up getting me a little depressed by Friday evening. We had my neighbor Terry over for dinner, which was nice - a bit awkward, but nice. I think we'll start having him over every Fri night, start a little routine if you will. But I found myself kind of down, extra tired, depressed. Once we were out on Sat morning (I think we all were a little stir crazy since we were all so excited to go drop off Charley's stool sample at the vet - ya think?) I felt much better. I felt physically better, mentally better - it all just came back together.

My chest is really healing nicely - and I'm now more accustomed to sleeping without any sort of bra on. It still feels pretty strange, but the surgical bra is wicked itchy to wear 24/7 and the other bra that hold the prosthesis is super tight - it's nice to finally have a break. My pajamas look strange with no boobs though - feel strange too. I feel skinny with no boobs, if that's any trade off. And, it's still painful on the sides - where the breast tissue used to be and my muscle meet. It's still sore there when I try to sleep on my side - more so on the right side than the left, which makes sense since the lymph nodes were removed from that side - more intrusion I suppose. Is it bad I wish I could take percocet every night before I sleep? It just seems to let me sleep more comfortably. Maybe it's all psycho somatic, eh? OH - I walked in on PJ watching some Spartacus movie last night and there was this steamy sex scene - and the woman had the most beautiful breasts. I found myself instantly jealous. If anything, I'm really glad to feel this because I know how important the reconstruction really is to me. I seriously was doubting this - but not anymore. Not that this one moment sealed the deal - like I said "that's it! PJ is not going to watch any other naked women without having my reconstructed breasts to compare it to!!!" It wasn't like that - I've been having these feelings for awhile now. Lately, I just really miss not having anything there. Really miss it. On so many levels. I didn't expect to feel this way. After the infection I was about ready to throw in the towel on this whole thing, but I'm actually looking forward to my new boobs, whatever they are going to look like.

Joining the Y tomorrow, so we can pay 2 gym memberships - oh joy. Problem is, I'm in town in the mornings with nothing to do so it makes sense for me to workout then, then have PJ work out at the gym here where we live. We're starting the Fat Smash diet tomorrow (not really a diet, just 2 months of regimented food adjustment) and I'm excited actually. I did a self inventory of my weight life and realized that I needed to get this extra stuff off. This is only aiding in how unattractive I'm feeling, and this, I can do something about. God knows I can't make my hair grow any faster. Plus, I want to be at a more ideal weight when I am getting my fills so I can really see the 'goods'. Ya know? I'm praying for patience, and that I won't completely flip out not being able to have any diet coke for 9 days in a row. Hmmmm.

Off to bed with me now - ready to start this week with a PMA as my dad calls it. (Positive Mental Attitude) Just really hoping my tit doesn't fall out when I'm on the elliptical or something - that would send some people home with some REAL dinner conversation, eh?

God Bless -