Merry New Year!!!

Well, the year rang in like it does every year. I could barely keep my eyes open this year. I think we were all in bed by like, 12:10. I'm just so tired. This has been a whirlwind of a weekend. Mom and Britt left on Friday morning, and we have pretty much just hibernated ever since. I feel good, then tired, then kind of in pain, then good, then tired, then really tired. I hate this fluctuating. I'm just exhausted all the time. My girls are on the mend - runny noses and remnants of a cough, but good. PJ is now sick though - he has what the girls have, so last night I got him all tucked into bed early with some hot tea and vicks vaporrub. He's on the mend as well, but sounds like a white version of Barry White, which, I have to admit, is kinda sexy.

So I look at the new year and it has really caused me to reflect on what I was thinking ringing in years past. I remember subconsciously thinking that I hope something would happen that upcoming year that was exciting, new, different. Hoping that it wouldn't turn out to be a year that just blended in with all the others. Now, I'll take those 'vanilla' years - you bet. Unremarkable is good, very good. I also realized that I never, EVER thought anything like this would ever happen to me. The thought never once crossed my mind - in my whole life. Think about that - can you imagine something happening to you that you literally never saw coming? Talk about a mind fuck, eh? Needless to say, I thought long and hard about what I wanted for 2010 and came up with this, this morning actually.

For 2010, I was to speak His word, praise His name, and do His will.

Now, this probably sounds totally 'preachy', but it really isn't if you dissect it a bit. I want to remember to thank God everyday for all that I have including the days I've been given to have them, share His message and pay it forward. Give to others. I've not been satisfied by such a new years resolution ever before.

I have a neighbor whose name is Helen. She and her husband Terry are probably the most wonderful neighbors on the planet. They welcomed us with open arms when we moved here back in 2007 and we have been good friends. They're older, in the early 70's, but to be honest, I never really saw them as 'old' - funny, I'm finding as I get older, I am seeing people for who they are, not what they are, if that makes sense. In any case, Helen was diagnosed with cancer herself in late 2007. I'm not sure if it was colon cancer that spread to her liver, or liver cancer - and I never really got a straight answer from Helen either to be honest. But she went through treatment, had a real rough time with chemo, but got through it and all went well. I don't think it was ever gone, but controlled. Or so it seemed. This past spring it seemed to come back, right around when I was diagnosed, and her doctor put her on some sort of 'shot'. She was still very active, happy, spirits high. She cooked me so many meals and desserts through my treatment, she was just an angel. She loved to come over and play with the girls, and gossip to me about neighborhood people, so cute. We talked about how we were going to beat this thing. The one thing I noticed, is that she wasn't afraid to come and see me, talk to me, ask how I was doing - unlike some of my other neighbors who kinda of retreated from me when word got out that I had breast cancer. Not in a mean way, just in a 'I have no idea what to say' kind of way. Helen didn't care, and I loved that.

Well, Helen's cancer got bad, real bad just a couple months ago. In Oct, she suddenly stopped coming by so often. I was in the middle of my surgery and recovering, I didn't really have time to question, but I noticed. Long story short, her cancer in her liver is back with a vengeance. It has gone through the bladder wall and is now causing her bleeding and so much pain. She was taken to the hospital by ambulance the other night, then released the next day - nothing was done. I brought her a meal that night, then Madeline and I went over yesterday and brought her another meal and stayed and chatted awhile. She looks yellow. Literally. How can someone change so much in just a couple of months? How is that possible? I told her that she took care of me for so long, now I had to take care of her. I told her I loved her, I gave her a huge hug. Madeline did the same. Terry called us tonight to tell us she is back in the hospital and only has a week or so left. I feel so many things I'm not sure where to start. I know right now I will stay in touch with Terry because I think he needs someone to check in with daily, and I think that needs to be me right now. Bless his heart. They don't have children that come and visit often or friends - it's just the two of them. I'm just so sad. They have her on morphine, which is good I guess. No pain is good. I just can't imagine my last moments being pumped full of morphine. Maybe those weren't the real final moments, ya know? I'm going to see her on Tues. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I know God will give me the words to be with her, whatever they may be.

So my friend is sick, and tonight I'd like to ask for prayers, good vibes, white light, all that good stuff be sent her way if you wouldn't mind. My mind started, for a very brief second, go to me and my disease and the 'what if' scenarios - but this isn't about me, it's about her. My story is my story, and her story is her story. I'm just so blessed to know hers.

God Bless -