Who knew what banning TV for a day could accomplish!!!

So Madeline made a bad choice last night by telling her sister to 'shut up', something we don't say in our house. So her punishment was no TV today (thank you Dr. Phil). We initially forgot this morning, and once we remembered she had a mini meltdown, but she did pretty well with it the rest of the day. With no TV, breakfast was eaten in its entirety, lunch was as well, the girls sat together and read a book together, they danced - and naps were taken by BOTH girls. I actually feel a bit guilty. I'm obviously using this as a babysitter way more than I should be. In any case, it was enlightening today, and pretty frickin cool.

Diet is going well, and my chest is continually healing. It looks really great (great meaning healing wise, you know what I mean) I get these sensations from time to time - it must be the nerves rewiring and whatnot. Strange tingly feelings, then like it is cold but its not, hard to explain. I actually had a moment the other day when I went to sit down on the couch and actually anticipated the feel of my non-existent breast on the inside of my arm. That was weird. I'm careful with my exercising of my arms as my sides are still a bit sensitive. Otherwise, the exercising is feeling so great - it is so nice to have this back in our lives again in a way that doesn't disrupt everything else. It took us forever to figure out how we were going to do this, and I think we finally did it.

I visited my good friend today who is also a breast cancer survivor and I asked her how long it was going to be until I stopped identifying myself with this disease - till it stopped being so close to the surface for me. She gently reminded me that this experience is still ongoing for me - that until I'm done with surgeries, and let that all settle in, it will be this close to me. I'm still 'going through it'. I hadn't really thought of it that way, but she's right. I guess I figured that everyone and everything has started 'going back to normal', and yes, treatment is done, cancer is gone - but I'm now smack in the middle of dealing with this physically, and learning to adapt to the actual physical changes this experience has left me with. A constant reminder of this journey, every single moment. Duh! No wonder it's always on the tip of my emotions. Always. I need to thank Lara for this, because first of all, she has such a gentle way about her, she instantly puts me at ease. Also, for validating my feelings in a way probably nobody else could. She's walked this walk, and because of that, she has such insight. What a blessing she is to me. Thanks.

So there I am, all huddled in the corner of the women's locker room like some high school freshman, trying to change my shirt so no one will see my mastectomy scars. Instead of doing this stupid dance, I think I'll just show up in what I'm going to work out in, then change afterwards. This is so silly. I guess I wouldn't have know this until I got started. I'm such a dork.

Madeline is fixated on my 'boobies in a box'. She actually said 'I don't want to feel your real boobies mom, I want to feel your boobies in a box'. I thought, 'Me too Madeline'. If we aren't running late I usually let her - I can only imagine what comes out of her mouth at school. Thank God I let her teacher know on the first day of school what I was going through just in case anything came out from her that may have seemed odd. That is no excuse however of how she explained to me that she doesn't want to sing the songs in Chapel, she would rather sing Lady Gaga in the car with me. Hmmmm. Can't really blame her for that now, can I? Just pray she doesn't break out in those tunes during chapel.

We have a full weekend planned - includes going to a kindergarten seminar to check out the schools up here - we need to make our decision here in the next month or so - I can't believe Madeline will be going to kindergarten. Wow. I really miss NY sometimes - not knocking the schools up here, just wish they had a little more culture, and a lot more color. ;-)

God Bless -