Do Not Cone Alone!!!!!

Have you done this? This ear coning thing? PJ and I just did it and it's amazingly relaxing and kinda gross all at the same time. You get these ear cones at the health food store and then you and a partner take turns burning these cones while they are stuck in your ear (not the burnt end, come on WORK WITH ME HERE!) - it pulls all the yukky wax out of your ear - no lie! Really gross to see, but wonderfully relaxing I must say. Can I hear any better? Not sure - but it was fun. Pretty funny when Madeline gets out of bed and comes into our room to see her Dad holding a burning cone in her mommy's ear - needless to say, she asked "what are you guys doing?" Very confusing trying to answer her. PJ and I were laughing as we tried to come up with an abridged version of what we were doing - God knows what she will say at school tomorrow.

My uppper respitory thing didn't get much better overnight, and when I called to try to see my PCP, of course she no longer works at that office, and they other dr who does take my insurance couldn't see me till next week - aren't doctors supposed to leave room for sick patients? Arg. So I called my oncologist and she called me in an antibiotic. PJ and I decided that if we were able to have another child, we would name it after my oncologist. Let's pray this does the trick. Isn't this ironic - now that I'm finished w/ chemotherapy, I get sick. Go figure. I had like a thousand pillows in bed last night with my humidifier and vicks on my chest - what a sight. Thank God my husband loves me.

Despite not feeling well, had a blast with my kids today. Ginger has taken to stipping lately, she is not liking wearing shirts or pants, and is learning how to take them off. So that has been challenging and entertaining all at the same time. And Madeline just seems to be getting smarter and smarter.

I had some moments today when I just got pissed again that I am dealing with this whole cancer thing. I wonder if those moments will ever go away. Then I think of everything I have experienced and learned, and feel differently about it. It's really a cool experience now to not really worry about the way I look when I get ready to head out the door. I mean, I put make-up on, but for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I am putting it on for me, and no one else. And, I don't much remember or care that it's on when I am out - I am so 'soul' based now, it's really cool. And, I'm starting to see other people in that same way, also very cool. Since I've been really focusing on this realization this past week, it is so very appropriate that my Proverbs email that comes today reads as follows (portion):

"Too often we pass judgment on people and situations we know little about. History has shown us that when we judge in ignorance we can make terrible mistakes. When we allow our view of someone or something to be swayed by suspicions or what the crowd says, we can make a tragic error of assuming something is true when it isn't. Fear tutors us to think that way. It warps our vision."

Wow, I do this all the time. I'm just now learning to see people for the light they exude, rather than their packaging. I love this point being made in this manner as 'judging in ignorance we can make terrible mistakes' - I've never thought of it this way - because I HATE making mistakes - and this just gives a whole new twist to the simple 'don't judge lest ye be judged' kind of stuff, ya know?

I found myself losing my patience with people today. Maybe it was because I wasn't feeling real hot, but I can't use that as an excuse. For the past 5 months, my life has been pretty predictable in its routine. Now that I'm out of my routine, I'm having to deal with people I haven't dealt with before and I'm finding that very frustrating. I prayed today that perhaps God would help me focus on the good, helpful things in people, rather than the annoying parts about them. I was very accustomed to the level of care I was receiving at my ocologist office, and I cannot assume this is the level of attention and care I will receive from other medical professionals I am dealing with now. I just have to keep reminding myself that each person along my journey is there for a reason - whether I know it then or not. Trust, trust, trust. Gotta Trust Him.

I'm going to sign off for now to try to get some decent sleep and hopefully kick this thing out of my system. My new devotional I've been reading is called 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young, and it is absolutely amazing. Today's devotional was very touching to me and I wanted to share a portion of it here:

'Do not judge a day as deviod of Joy just because it contains difficulties. Instead, concentrate on staying in communication with Me. Many of the problems that clamor for your attention will resolve themselves. Other matters you must deal with, but I will help you with them. If you make problems solving secondary to the goal of living close to Me, you can find Joy even in your most difficult days.'
I think I need to read this EVERY day. Right? It is so right on the money for me. Hope you all had a great day today, and here's to tomorrow. May tomorrow be full of JOY. ;-)

God Bless -