What an Idiot!

Today was a great day. PJ and I got to spend some quality time together on our way to Sedona, and my calcium treatment went fine. It was so nice to see my oncologist, and I got to ask her some questions that have been on my mind. Since I was sent into 'chemical menopause' I had questions about how I was feeling, and how I was going to continue to feel. See, when I started chemotherapy it sent me into early menopause, so my ovaries basically shut down. When chemo was done, they would have eventually come back to life, then I would have started periods again and been put on another type of drug to stop the estrogen production. However, they didn't have a chance to come back to life since we yanked them out right after I stopped chemo - sooooooooo, it's good that I had already kinda gone through the 'change' so to speak. If they had been up and functional then yanked out, it possibly could have been tremendously difficult physically to cope with. So, another blessing.

I know I am tremendously blessed to have the oncologist that I have. The way doctors relay information to you is so incredibly important. We, as patients, put importance and emphasis on the things our doctors put emphasis and importance on - don't you think? Subconsciously anyway I think - and mine is so consistently positive, and upbeat, and 'matter of fact' about the information she gives me, I can't help but react in the same manner. This makes me wonder about all those other women diagnosed who are subconsciously taking on a perhaps more negative spin their doctors are giving them when they discuss their cancer, treatment, tests, etc. Interesting thought. My doctor and I were talking just today that just adjusting the way you react to something, can change the entire meaning or scenario. It's really powerful.

So, now I need to explain my post title above. So, I get another prescription to try and get this stupid sinus crap knocked out once and for all, so PJ and I stop at Walgreens on the way home. We drop off the prescription and are told it will be like, 15-20 minutes. So, we start walking through Walgreens together. I go directly to the haircare isle and we just start getting the giggles. The picture of me standing in the isle at Walgreens, intently reading the back of a can of 'root booster' with my 1/2 inch of hair on my head was pretty funny to us. We were just being silly. PJ picks up some '5 Hour Energy' stuff that he likes, I pick up some baby snacks for Ginger, we stumble upon the 'adult' items and pick up some KY Intense (I know,probably too much info here, but you'll see why this is important in a minute), some Children's Motrin for Ginger - then after we pressed all the buttons in the Halloween display section, we head up to get my prescription. I go to get on line, and there is this old man kinda standing in the way of the line - so we do that 'try to pass by you dance' and he is literally, inches away from my face when he looks at my stubbly hair, then looks at me and says "Are you a man or a woman?" I couldn't believe it. He wasn't nasty about it, but he clearly looked confused, an expression I got the feeling he wears a LOT - and all I could think to say was "Oh, well isn't that a lovely thing to say! My name is Dina and I have cancer, excuse me please" and which point he says "Tina? Dina? My name is Gerald" or some other name, I don't really remember. PJ and I were really stunned. I was embarrassed more than any other feeling. Humiliated more like. But the funny thing is, it wasn't an over powering feeling, and the feeling of 'not really caring what this guy just said' was way more powerful than the humiliation. Now, if this guy said this to me 5 months ago, I would have been in tears. Now, don't get me wrong, I was thinking on the way home of all the things I COULD have said - isn't that the way it always happens? But then I realized, what? - he humiliated you so you want to humiliate him? First of all, I don't think he was intentional in what he said to me - but second of all, even if he was, what good would it do to come back with some sarcastic comment that he probably wouldn't have caught anyway, what good would this do? I just wrote last night I believe that I am starting to feel more 'attractive' now - I'm not going to let this old fart take that away from me. I am so proud that I got to this place so quickly - the new me is starting to shake out pretty good I think. I guess the fact that I called him and old fart just now and an idiot in the post title isn't very nice - guess I need to vent a little. Point is, I'm not losing any sleep over this tonight - and I can remember a time not too long ago when I would have. So - we get to the counter, pick up the prescription and the pharmacy lady rings it up with all our other items, then quietly under her breath when she's done ringing us up she says "Looks like you've got all your bases covered here." Brilliant. Frickin Brilliant. We all had a nice laugh.

Dr. appt with my reconstructive surgeon tomorrow in Phoenix, and I have LOTS of questions for him - so I'm sure it will be an informative and graphic post tomorrow.

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers - and thank you for all your concern about Ginger too - she is doing fine and coming home to her hugs and squeals and kisses today was just about the best feeling ever. A line that rang true for me today is something I'll end with tonight:

'Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.'

Ain't that the truth - God Bless