Wednesday's With Dina

PJ and I came up with the above this morning as we were getting ready as a title of my chemo time - we were reflecting upon my past chemo treatment Wednesday's and were having a little chuckle. We were also discussing the fact that Ginger is drinking a HUGE amount of milk lately, and continues to wake during the night for more. PJ had a great idea of trying to find some sort of milk feeder, much like that of a water feeder attached to a gerbil or hamster cage, and attach this to Ginger's crib, so she could go ahead and drink whenever she got thirsty. If only the sound of the little metal ball in the spout wouldn't wake up Madeline as she lapped at it. We thought this was funny too.

I had the kind of day today that went by so fast, I almost don't really remember much of it - do you ever have days like this? It is such a strange feeling to look back on your day and can easily recount everything you did, but not feel entirely connected to it. Hmmmm. I wonder what that means. One thing that happened today that I must share, is the end to this prescription story from yesterday's post. Now, to recap, I have to start my aromatase inhibitor (estrogen squasher) to keep my cancer from growing again, and this is a name brand prescription. I have an annual deductible that I was not aware of, or didn't remember having, of $500 that must be met each year before my $25 copay kicks in. To be totally honest here, we don't have an extra $500 in our budget, or in savings or anything. We would have had to wait until maybe next month, or the following, to pay for this prescription, which was a total of $371.00 - and that is for 30 days. Now, I'm going to be on this pill for approx 5-10 years, and considering all I've gone through already, this will truly keep the thing that feeds my cancer at bay - also very important. I know I mentioned this awesome community that has lifted me up so many times in my blog, and I think I've mentioned The Dina Mountcastle Fund which was started by the wonderful people at the Lutheran church where I am active (I'm involved in WOW, MOPS and Madeline also attends school there). This Fund, designed to help us out in insurance/medical bill matters, came to my rescue today, and paid for my prescription we couldn't afford. I am so incredibly humbled by this - and so incredibly grateful for this, I cannot express. I would be lying if I didn't say I was a bit embarrassed too, but I continue to work through that. I just look back at my life, and look at what steps were taken and the decisions that were made which led my husband and I here, and I just know that this was God's plan. For me, this is such a clear and wonderfully obvious vision - and how God has blessed me and my family with this community that is taking such wonderful care of us. I would not have been able to start this medication now if it weren't for this Fund. And I just cannot find the words to express how grateful we are for this. This community and the love it has shown to me and my family, has had a major role in saving my life. I am living proof of what God is doing in this world, through the love and goodness of others.

As I'm leaving the pharmacy with prescription in hand and tears in my eyes, an older gentleman, I'd say about 65, stops me on my way out and tells me that there is nothing more beautiful in this world than a bald woman. He tells me I'm beautiful, and when this whole cancer thing is over for me, and my doctor tells me that it's all gone and I can go on my merry way, like his told him, I will grow the most beautiful, long, luxurious soft hair in the world. I thanked him, shook his hand and we were on our way again out the door. I have no idea who this man was, but LOVE this exchange that we had. He has such a light about him, and energy, and beauty. It was pretty awesome.

Something that I had realized when I was attending my WOW class on Wed, was that this experience has made me look in the mirror completely differently than I used to. I used to look in the mirror and see who I THOUGHT was Dina. But now, I am so driven by how I 'feel' that how I look is not a top concern to me. I don't know if I'm explaining this correctly - cancer strips you of everything physical you control about yourself, it forces you to look deeper into yourself. I didn't realize I was defining myself by how my hair, make-up, clothing looked each day. Not 'entirely' but substantially. Not until you take all these things away, literally, are you forced to define yourself by other standards. This process is not immediate, not at all. In fact, this transition has JUST occurred with me in this process. So now, I see Dina - Dina the child and servant of God, Dina the mother who loves her children, Dina the proud wife of PJ, Dina the one who wants to give back - I am motivated and defined by my character - and that feels really good. I am so very blessed to have this experience, to know myself at this level, and most important, be able to teach my children to see themselves the same way as they grow up.

PJ and my Dad left for their hunting trip today. I pray they have the most wonderful time. Nancy is here to stay the weekend with me, so I have to try to not pick up Ginger for just another couple days. I know if I can hold out that long, there shouldn't be a problem with me getting back into the swing of things next week. I'm feeling pretty good - just still a bit tender so I don't want to push it. We've got some fun things planned for this weekend, so it should be a nice 'girls' time.

I feel like I've rambled this evening - I hope my thoughts were clearly expressed - I get so frustrated when I can't find the words.

Thank you again to all who pray for me, send me good thoughts and vibes, and read this blog. Have a wonderful weekend.

God Bless