'Mom? I think your chemo hair looks pretty.'

My sweet Madeline. She said this to me the other morning, with the most honest expression on her face. She even corrected PJ the other evening "no Dad, that's mom's chemo hair!" PJ said last night that I look like Mia Farrow now in Rosemary's Baby. I'm not quite sure if my hair is really starting to come back yet - it seems a little soon. Plus it's hard because I did have that chemo hair that appeared during treatment. It's still pretty thin, so I'm not ready to 'go commando' yet, but pretty soon. Good thing it is starting to get cooler out now, makes it much more comfortable to wear a hat or scarf. And I still can't tell what color it is, it is definitely lighter than my hair was before. I'm just glad to have a hairline back to be honest - looking more normal makes you feel more normal - funny how it works that way. Still, I look in the mirror and am still amazed at my inside not matching my outside. Don't much care about this anymore like I used to, just more amused by it now.

I was talking to my mom today on the phone, and I was explaining to her how tired I've been getting in the late afternoon and evening the past couple days - more tired than usual. She reminded me of all the changes my body is currently going through - stopping chemotherapy, having my ovaries removed, going on a new estrogen blasting pill, fighting an sinus infection and being on antibiotics - I guess that's enough for now, eh? Good news is, I've been sleeping really well lately. That has felt great.

Went to WOW today, and it, of course, was awesome. There is such a powerful feeling to not only worship in a crowd, but worshiping with a crowd of women is like, overwhelmingly powerful. This is a place where I can go and feel connected, refreshed, and reminded of God's good words. Really cool. What an amazingly wonderful organization and how blessed I am to have met them, and humbled to be a part of them. I'm taking this class called 'The Holy Spirit' and it is really interesting. Seeing in the Bible the places, especially in the OT where the Holy Spirit is mentioned or referred to - very cool. I know nothing, and I mean NOTHING about the Bible, so I have come into this with an open mind and am really just soaking it all in. It is so inspiring to hear people who are so well versed speak about it so passionately. Some things really resonate with me, some things really don't - it's an interesting journey.

Unfortunately I don't get to go next week because it's off to Sedona for my monthly calcium infusion. To be honest, I'm kinda looking forward to going to Sedona to see everyone. I really miss them, isn't that funny. I have such a strong connection to this medical team, I think I've felt a little off these past couple weeks by not seeing them. Oh yea, surgery too - but you catch my drift. ;-)

There are times lately, when I just stare at my children. They will be watching TV or reading a book or coloring a picture, and I just am fixated on their faces. I am overwhelmed with the fact that I gave birth to these precious children, that they are these little individuals who are learning, expressing and finding their way through this world with their tiny little hands in mine. I watch their faces so intently, seeing their every expression in simple amazement. I am so blessed to be their mommy. Tonight when we tucked Madeline in to bed, she came over to us and put her arms around PJ and I's necks and said "I just love you guys!". I told her how blessed I was to be her mommy, and she said "and I am so blessed to be your girl mom". This is why I move forward, this is why I have faith, this is why I was put on this earth in the first place. If I had to, I would go through 6 more months of what I've already gone through, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. We said our prayers, and after calling for me about 3 different times, she finally went to sleep.

Full day tomorrow, so off to bed with me. Couple more days of antibiotics, then I know I will have this thing kicked. It's our turn to take snacks tomorrow for school - I always feel this pressure to get something creative or extra yummy - couldn't quite do it this time. Apple juice and grahams crackers - hey, that's what I had as a kid for snack, and I turned out OK. (cue PJ speaking up here I'm sure)

God Bless -