and Dina Drains..............

So, surgery went well. Late, I didn't get in for prep until 4pm, and my surgery was originally scheduled for 3:30. So we didn't get back home here until 9pm. It was a long day. It was so hard waiting, and I have to say, it was the wrong choice for me to wait for this surgery. Yes, I'm glad we went on Polar Express, but it was pretty miserable knowing that the infection was just getting worse. Back to the waiting part yesterday, I have a sneaky suspicion why everything was backed up. I was livid, in pain, angry, hungry, thirsty (couldn't eat or drink anything since 7am yesterday) - I was in a totally wrong frame of mind entering into this surgery. I'm not saying I've been doing cartwheels into the other surgeries I've had this past year, but I at least had a good attitude and my sarcasm at a high point. Once I realized that I was clearly NOT in that frame of mind, I prayed about it. Then I had to pee really bad, so I asked if I could go and they ended up taking me back to get prepped for surgery. Coincidence? Hmmmm.

So here I sit, my chest wrapped up like a burrito and these drains hanging out of me once again. Couple good things - feel SO much better since all the infection is now gone, and I can move around a lot better this time than I could after the initial surgery. Maybe cuz I've already had my muscles adjusted, not sure. I asked one of the nurses in the OR if they ever let out an "EW!!!!" when they open up infected people like me - he laughed and said "EW! Gross!" I said that I was actually pre-maturely embarrassed for what they were going to find there during surgery. So I apologized to him early. I'm so weird. I guess there was a lot of infection (DUH!) and I just got a call this evening from my doc office saying the culture came back and one of the antibiotics they have me on was ineffective with this type of bacteria. Great, that's what I've been taking all along - and now know it wasn't working. Needless to say, I'm still pretty frustrated with this whole situation. Am I in pain? Not too much, but I've kept on a pretty good percocet schedule since yesterday. Also, I can't take a shower again for a week and no lifting again for six weeks. I'd scream, but I remember I'm not very good at it. I'm going to be healing for the next 3 months, so I've got time to figure out what to do. I'm contemplating finding another doctor, but not until I have a real heart to heart with my current doctor. I think that's only fair.

My mom and Britt are coming back up tomorrow am to help us for a couple days. I'm so very blessed - they just left and here they come up again to help my sorry ass. Also, I have meals coming every night this week. And, there was my mom, Britt, Sean, Joe and PJ's dad waiting for me through my whole surgery yesterday. Nancy was here taking care of my kids all day yesterday and today - it just doesn't stop. I've had so many people show up for me, literally, in so many ways - I don't think I'll ever be able to thank everyone properly. I'm so blessed to have all of them, all of you.

It's going to be weird to take these bandages off next week and have nothing there. I mean, before he was able to fill me up half way, so I had a tiny bit of cleavage. Not this time. I will handle it, I have to. Like everything else, we just plow through it, don't we? Once again, if someone would have told me this time last year 'Oh yea, you're going to have your breast tissue cut out, expanders put in, filled, then infected, them removed, then start all over again in 3 months" I would have said "fuck you". But guess what? You do it. You just do it. I wasn't scared this time, I was angry. So I prayed. I prayed to God to help me change my anger into grace and just trust in Him. Be thankful, be graceful, and trust that He would take care of me. Again, peace.

Must have ice cream now - and my new antibiotic (PJ went to pick this up for me). Did I happen to mention how fabulous my husband is? I need to say that I am the luckiest woman in the world. Talk about showing up for me - I know I've said it before, but I must have done something right in this life to deserve this man. To have him by my side through this, I wouldn't be the woman I am today without him. He makes me want to be a better person. He is my world, my life.

Alright - NOW I must have ice cream, and a pain pill. My chest is aching a bit tonight, right in the center sternum area. Probably the burrito wrap. More cheese please!!!

God Bless -