Dina - Reconstructed

Well, my fears have come to fruition. I've developed an infection in both of my expanders and they have to come out. I just cried listening to him tell me of the new game plan. Surgery is scheduled for Monday. He will remove the expanders, obviously clean me out of all infection then seq me back up. After about 3 months of healing, which should be faster w/o any expanders in - we'll start over again.

I go back and forth between laughing and crying. I don't want to be laid up again, I was just feeling so good. I'm confused by why this happened. I did everything right - but my doc says this is simply a complication of any surgery. I guess I think I'll feel better if I can blame something. Or someone. I don't know. I so didn't want this to be the scenario - and I'm so upset that it is. Being said, I will do this. Like everything else, I will do this. I'm kinda releived to get these suckers out to be honest, breathe a little sigh of relief if you will. My body just didn't like THESE expanders - my body wants different one. Leave it me to be particular about such things.

So we were able to do Polar Express last night which was so much fun - and cold - woke up to a tamp of 2 this morning. Ginger is now sick. Madeline has this horrendous cough and now Ginger has a fever. What a Christmas at the Mountcastle's eh? Infected boobs, fevers and congested coughing. Wanna come over??? I thought I would have to have surgery right then, or at least today - but he scheduled it for Monday - glad that I didn't miss any of our holiday plans, but this is VERY strange walking around knowing I'm simply controlling an infection. It's quite disgusting and is making me just want this out and over now. I even toyed with the idea if reconstruction was really that important. My doc asked me, 'was it the right decision for you when you made it?' - 'yes' I answered. He said 'Then it's the right decision now. Don't look at this as a complication - this is manageable. We can fix this.'

I'm so tired. And trying to find the humor. It comes and goes to be honest. Not quite at the forefront as it has been in the past.

I'm keeping my kids home this evening while I run and direct the children's program at church. I don't want my kids around anyone else right now. Time for quiet and warmth for them. Me too, eventually. I can't believe I'm having surgery again before the new year. This is surgery #5. I'm tired.

Merry Christmas to everyone. I know how much I have to be grateful for. I'm cancer free and that is indeed a miracle. This other stuff is just annoying stuff I'm going to have to deal with. Good, bad or indifferent. It's what's happening and I just gotta plow through it and find the humor. I'm already calling this the Christmas of the Infected Boob. We will always be able to look back and say "Yea! You were cancer free that year! Oh - and our boobs were all infected too, right? Ew Dina - seriously."

God Bless - and I'll have PJ post on Mon to talk about the surgery. It's outpatient so hopefully will be - well - unremarkable. ;-)