Another Frickin "A-Ha!" Moment - jeeesh.

So, my little Madeline has caught a cold. This totally sucks for her cuz it was the last weekend before Christmas as we didn't get to do all the fun things I wanted to do. (not that I told her we weren't doing them, that would be mean) She'd have a temp, then it would go away, have it again, go away, cough, runny nose, the works. I'm going to take her to the pediatrician tomorrow just to check her out. If antibiotics will work, I'd like to start them now so she'll hopefully be OK for Polar Express on Wed then of course Christmas. I'm praying for that. For right now, she sleeps deeply, which is soooooo good.

This weekend was very different for me. On one hand, it was wicked cool. PJ took part in the sermon for all 3 services at our church, which was just so cool. My senior pastor had asked if I would collaborate with her on her sermon for this weekend which was about taking risks and she wanted to incorporate something with Mary and Joseph. (be careful telling people if you have a theater backround unless your willing to utilize those skills everywhere!) So I went searching for Mary/Joseph monologues and really didn't find anything worth while. Most were kinda cheesy to be honest. Found one though, but it was only a Joseph monologue. I thought it was good enough to share w/ her anyways, and she felt the same. She ended up using it in her sermon this weekend, and she designed it as if Joseph was coming to give his testimony. And, you guessed it, PJ played Joseph. He was just great. I think it went over really well. I hope so. I'm just the very proud wife!

On the other hand however, the fill I received on Thurs has pushed me back into a level of pain that I cannot quite describe. Let's put it this way, my chest (can I say breasts even though there's technically no breast tissue to call them such?) is now red with black and blue marks covering a majority of each side. This fill of 100 cc's each side has bruised me. Remember how excited I was to be able to pick up Ginger and hold her, carry her around, put her in her crib? Yea, no more. Can't do that now. Advil doesn't seem to work - it takes the edge off, but we're back to percocet at night so I can sleep. I plowed through this this weekend, trying to act like I was fine, but not fine, went to church and held the rehearsal for the children's christmas eve program (did I mention I voluteered for that as well?) and by the end of the evening tonight - I was in tears. Literally. I went to take the stupid shower I have to take every night so I can change these disgusting bandages and pack and repack this open wound - looked at myself with these bruises all over me and just lost it. I stood in the shower crying - which by the way, is a really great place to cry, the warm water just seems to wash away everything. It made me cry harder I think.

I know, please, don't start with the whole 'it won't be like this for long' crap - or 'at least you're alive' crap. I know these things - I live those things everyday, and trust me, I tell myself that everyday too. I guess I just thought the horrific pain part was over - or at least manageable. To start to feel like a human being again then get hit over the head like this was just too much. I sat just a moment ago to gather my thoughts, sitting on my couch in the light of the christmas lights on our patio, hearing PJ and my girls sleeping soundly - and just started talking to Jesus. Of course thanking Him for all he has and continues to bless me and my family with - then talking through this pain. I asked Him, is this supposed to teach me something? And then the words came right into my head, almost immediately. Slow Down. Simple as that. I need to slow the fuck down - or I'm going to get caught up in all the BS that I used to get caught up in. I need to slow down, remember who I am, what I'm doing and WHY I'm doing it, and enjoy. I need to continue to heal, nuture my poor body back to health. I was beat up on the inside and out for 7 months, that is going to take time to heal. I better slow down or I'm going to miss it. We all are. So as I dry my eyes this evening, I can pop a percocet with a bit more ease knowing that this too shall pass, and just slow down.
;-) Lesson learned. Oh, and probably not going to go for the 100 cc again. 50 at a time may be a bit more my speed.

Have a great week everyone - and I've attached the link to the monologue PJ gave in church if anyone is interested in reading it. I think it's pretty funny. (of course.)

God Bless -

www.biblicalrecorder.org/content/resources/2004/12_3_2004/re031204try.shtml