Chemo Queefs?

I'm not sure why this started happening, but it's been happening during chemo each time this cycle. Weird eh? And hard to hold in I might add. I haven't experienced them since, well, never mind. Oh, and if you don't know what that is, you'll have to ask someone or look it up, I ain't spelling it out for anyone.

Anyway - I've got some catching up to do - as soon as I went to write last nights blog, Madeline cried from her bedroom with a small case of check congestion. So we sat in a steam filled bathroom for about 20 minutes, applied the Vicks Vapor Rub (in a cream now thank God! non of that nasty greasy stuff) and she wouldn't let me leave her side as we snuggled in bed together next to the humidifier.

So - prayer circle was amazing yesterday. I got to let out some steam on how frustrating it is dealing with stupid people when you have cancer, and how hard it is to be Christlike when you have cancer, because you just want to look at some people and say "Are you fucking kidding me? Did you really just say that? If you don't know what to say, just shut the hell up please!" But of course I don't say things like that - my FACE may say these things, but I don't vocalize them. It felt good to vent about this, and pray about it. And learn to just focus on getting better, and the people and words that cause these feelings in me is NOT producing good vibes for my healing. So I really just need to push them aside - if I can remember this, then it will be easier to do.

Today I had treatment and it really went like clockwork. We got there and had blood work done, and it came back real good. I was receiving Taxol, Avastin and Zometa today, and we discussed me receiving the Neulasta shot. I asked her if I really needed it then fine, but if we could forgo it, I would really appreciate it. (this is the drug that boosts my white blood cells) She said she was a bit concerned because I was going on a trip, but if my count came back way low on my next treatment date, then we would just wait a week it was no big deal. See, this shot kicked my ass last time, and I have gone a full cycle without this shot, so I know I can do it. I just need to be REALLY careful, especially going to Disneyland Toon Town - germ haven - and be anal retentive about washing my hands, using antibacterial lotion and such. I was also told by my nurse to not eat any salads out at restaurants - because I don't know how well they wash their produce. I did not know this, or even think of this. Hmmmm. Interesting.

We got home and started packing but then had to take off for Madeline's pre-school parent only orientation. It was so great. It felt so good to see all the parents again, and to see the school year. We found out who her teacher was, and who was in her class - it was so wonderful. I remember going to this last year, but I think I made it feel more like a chore - not that I wasn't excited, I was, this year it's just different. Everything feels different. I was so excited to be out as a mommy and get all excited for her upcoming school year. I want to be so involved - and not because I SHOULD but because I want to - I really want to - and that, feels amazing. So, my other mother, Nancy, was basically with my kids ALL DAY LONG - God bless her - she is such a blessing to our family and my children. How lucky are we?

We are leaving tomorrow for California, to stay with PJ's Aunt and Uncle in Santa Ana. We are really just going to lay low - taking Madeline to Disneyland on Monday, then maybe the beach on Tues - then heading home on Wed. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to see Madeline excited. This is just one of the best parts about being a parent that no one can quite describe to you. And I think I prepared for the car drive, with the skillful help of my friend Jennifer of course - who told me to go to the dollar store and pick up random little present, wrap them, then have them ready to hand out to the girls every 75 miles or so. This is brilliant and I can't wait to see if it works. Plus she lent me some movies, two of which Madeline has been bugging me to see for awhile. So, pray this trip goes smoothly. I think we'll be fine.

I'd like to end with an excerpt from a devotional Pastor Mary read from at my prayer circle. It really spoke to me, and made me think of living my life from a completely different point of view. Take a look -

This is from a book called, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It was the daily devotional for Aug. 18th

Expect to encounter adversity in your life, remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. Stop trying to find a way that circumvents difficulties. The main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for Me. When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on Me.

Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities: situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you- the best place to encounter Me in My Glory and Power. When you see armies of problems marching toward you, cry out to Me! Allow Me to fight for you. Watch Me working on your behalf, as you rest in the shadow of My Almighty Presence.

We hit the road in the am, but I am taking the laptop so I will try to continue blogging. I thank you for your prayers and good vibes. And thank you to Jennie for the very yummy jambalaya dinner - it was outstanding and so much appreciated today.

God Bless -