Oh, I always look like that......

So I totally forgot to share a funny story. I run into one of my friends at the MOPS leadership meeting on Thurs, and we're riding the elevator together when I shared with her that I was having a PET scan the next morning, blah blah blah. She looks at me and says "you look like you're about to cry, are you OK?" and the doors to the elevator open and as I exit to run out to my car real quick I say "Oh, I always look like that, my eyelashes are falling out." And off I went.

I found this hilarious - and I feel so bad for just blurting this out as casually as "where did you get your shoes?" to my poor friend who probably just stood there wondering what to say. So Noel if you are reading, my apologies.

Anyhoo - pretty good weekend. I am just so tired, from such a busy vacation and then non-stop since we've been home. Madeline's party on Sat went over really well, when we were in the car on the way home she said "That was the best party ever mom" I knew that it was all worth it. She was just tickled. And Ginger did really great too - bless her little heart. She just wants to do everything her big sister does, and she is just not big enough yet. I want her to stay small as long as possible!

Occasionally, I'll get the opportunity to do the grocery shopping by myself, and at night. This, my friend, is absolute heaven. It is quiet time for me and Walmart is pretty much empty. So Sat night, we bathed the girls, got them fed and into bed and by 9:00 pm I was out the door. I get a lot of thinking done at these times, and here's what I was wondering this trip.

Ya know how when you have something going on in your life, something not fun, a problem, like, well, money issues, or family issues, or parental stresses - normal shit that happens in your life that you stress over. Really stress over sometimes. Then, once you've stressed over it awhile, you get to the point where you realize -
ok - I can handle this, I mean it's a big deal but it's not THAT big of a deal" Maybe you didn't ever have this conversation, but I remember having this thought process occur quite often.

Now, when I try to apply this thinking process to cancer - I don't really have a place to go when I get to the "it's a big deal but it's not THAT big of a deal" because, this IS that big of a deal. It's like, I can't minimize it, like I could other stuff. Or should I? Sometimes I think subconsciously we are all thinking "it's a big deal, but it's not THAT big of a deal - I mean, it's not CANCER or anything" - figuratively speaking, ya know? I guess my point is, I don't want to be all about my cancer, but I can't very well act all nonchalant about it either. I guess I'm learning the delicate balance of how to be both. How to be Dina with cancer, but not make it ALL about that, without ignoring it completely. Arg. That is a mouthful - and a mindful. Pretty deep shit for a car ride to Walmart, eh??? Impressed????

Still no news on the PET scan - I should probably know something tomorrow. I called my oncologist Sat morning, just because I was really having anxiety over this. She left me a message this morning while we were in church cuz she's on vacation in Alaska. She had checked and there were no results in yet but she was going to try to see tomorrow, if she could get reception where she was. I guess someone else will call me with the results?? I'm not really sure how this is going to work. I'm going to just wait and see tomorrow, then if I don't hear anything tomorrow I'll call on Tues. I really hate this waiting game thing. You mind plays funny tricks on you during these times, sends you into some places you aren't used to going. Luckily, my brain doesn't stay there long, if at all anymore. I just fall back on praising God, and it literally takes all my fear away. I'm telling you, this God/Jesus thing, it's the best thing going. ;-)

Trying to connect with my husband more - we both are so busy, it's been too easy to just go our separate ways to get stuff done in the evenings. So I'm going to sign off for this evening. Big week ahead - we have a playdate tomorrow, then Madeline starts school on Tues (her official birthday!) and she is just so excited. She met her teacher on Friday at the open house and we couldn't get her to leave. She even kissed me goodbye when we first got there, like I was dropping her off or something! Isn't that awesome! So we've got a lot going this week. Back to the 'new normal'. Thank God.

Hope to have wicked good news tomorrow - so thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.

God Bless -