Hubba Hubba

So this weekend brought so much 'comfort and joy', not to quote a Christmas Carol, to me I just can't stand it. On Friday night we roasted marshmallows for smores in the backyard. It was awesome. My kids are so damned cute it's obnoxious. Then Sat morning I went to my very first support group for breast cancer. It was pretty cool actually, but it was also a little scary. First off I was the youngest woman there (big surprise) and then, being last to 'introduce myself and tell my story' I quickly realized in listening to everyone else, I was the only stage IV person as well. Now, I usually don't have a problem speaking in front of people about anything really (you're shocked I know) but I was very nervous to introduce myself and explain my cancer to these women. Partly because I guess I so wanted to be one of their stories, and not mine (the stage IV part, I'm still so pissed about that part of this journey) but also because it was a step to really owning this to a roomful of cancer survivors. I just wanted to get through the explanation without crying. I watched some of them shake their heads as I spoke, some look at me with pain, and I just wanted it all to go away. I need to look at these reactions differently because my gut reaction is to see it as pity - and a wise woman recently told me to look at this as love, not pity. I'm obviously still working on that. Overall it was a good decision for me to go - I connected with this awesome lady named Pat - and she and I chatted with just each other for just a moment. She gave me some great advice. She said to find a picture of me as a little girl, and frame it and look at it and say "I'm going to take care of you, and everything is going to be fine." She said we as women are caretakers of children, and we need to comfort ourselves in this manner. I thought this was brilliant. It was good to talk with people who knew my 'cancer language' and they were absolutely lovely, wonderful women. I'll most likely be going back next month.

Sat night PJ and I had a date! Can you believe it? We got a babysitter and everything (we've done this twice now since we moved here) and went out to dinner in town and then for drinks. We had a blast, but I told him that we needed to really try to do this at least once a month because I really wanted to get better at it. I hadn't been out in so long, it didn't feel real comfortable to me - but I figure with everything, practice makes perfect, so we need to practice more. He agreed. In any case, it was so nice to go out with my husband, have a lovely dinner without being interrupted, and then go and watch all the old people in spandex dance like there's no tomorrow.

Today we went to church, and ironically enough, the scripture read in the service this morning is the exact passage Pastor Mary gave me some time ago that PJ and I pray before each of my treatments. I thought this was also ironic because this last treatment, I had changed to a prayer in lieu of this passage, and it just didn't feel right. So here I am in church, and this is the passage that is read and addressed in the message. Ephesians 6;10-20 - the Whole Armor of God. Coincidence? I think not. Pretty powerful stuff, and this gives me such strength, comfort, and sense of purpose in this fight of mine. Message received - loud and clear.

I wanted to share with you some pictures from this weekend, and apologize for not sharing any sooner. I've had an issue with my picture being taken with my bald head, and I realized this weekend I really need to have photos of this time not only for me to reflect on, but for my girls to have as well. So, you finally get to see my 'chemo fuzz'. OH - and the chemo cam is also coming, we haven't forgotten, we're just trying to find the time to edit it - my apologies for the delay in getting this posted - it is coming, I promise.

So here are some pics of us Fri night roasting marshmallows and eating smores. Have a great week everyone, God Bless -