Oh Jeez - I've bought a MOM suit.

Yes, it has begun. I was forced to buy my first one piece bathing suit since I was like, 12 and on the swim team. This moment is a reluctant one, but badly needed. See, I so want to take my girls swimming this summer - and the 2 piece just ain't cuttin it, I mean, at all, if you catch my drift. And I certainly am not the kind to wear a t-shirt and shorts into the pool, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it is just not me. So, I bought the proverbial black one piece that is supposed to 'suck it in' in all the right places. I find this advertising ironic, because, even a 1 piece doesn't cover everything, so what ever needs 'sucked in' better be confined to the material of this bathing suit, or you are shit out of luck. I have to be honest, it doesn't look good on me at all - mostly because I have gained weight and have an extremely long torso - so the boobs always seem to end up in the belly region - when I pull it up to cover them properly, it then looks like I'm wearing a thong backwards - not pretty. So, I stretch and pull until I find a happy medium, and just try to stay in the water and find a towel quickly upon exiting. Don't want to frighten the older folks up here in Dewey, not that they are paying attention anyways. Thank God.

Tomorrow is my first treatment of my 4th cycle, and I'm just ready to get this going again. It's funny, you would think that I would look forward to my week off to get a much needed break - but it has only really ended up screwing with my head. So, I am eager to get 'back in the saddle again' as this past week off really did screw with my head. Maybe it is because I didn't feel good at all through my entire week. My prayer circle this afternoon helped immensely. I am continually smitten by those that show up to pray over me. It is remarkable. Pastor Mary read from Psalms 91 today and it was like it was written just for me to hear. My spirit has been tempted by fear as of late, and this was just what the dr ordered. Simply filling. I need to know what version her Bible is, cuz hers always sounds way cooler than mine, and I think mine is pretty cool - so hopefully I can remember to ask her next time I see her.

I didn't write last night only because I was so tired. PJ and I watched this silly horror movie and I literally was so tired, I fell into bed. Stupid movie too - what a waste of time. I should have spent the time writing, so don't watch A Haunting In Connecticut - it's silly.

I have to share with you what happened this evening. When I returned from the prayer circle, PJ was busy working while Madeline watched Noggin and Ginger had just woken up from her afternoon nap. I was, and continue to as of late, experience these 'sweats' that happen periodically throughout the day - pre-menopause symptoms brought on my chemo, Oh Joy. I didn't feel much like cooking, so I suggested we run up to our local mexican food place that is just a 5 minute drive from our house. We don't even have to get on the highway, it's literally right in our development. So we bathe the girls, feed Ginger and head out. I've graduated now to wearing bandannas. As my new friend put it, I think I too will now have 'The Year of the Biker Chick' cuz that is basically what I look like with one of these on. I try to make them look cute, but in the end, they look bikerish. Even in pink. They are just the most comfortable and the coolest in the summer weather. So we go in, say HI to the entire wait staff cuz they know us and are like family to us. So sweet. Now, those of you with children know, when they are this small, you are constantly dealing with one or the other through the entire meal. It is difficult to get a chance for me to look at my husband much less anyone else around me. I say this for a reason to come to light soon. We had a fantastic meal together as a family, Ginger waving to EVERYONE in the restaurant (has to know everyone, just like her PoPo) and Madeline handing princess stickers out to the wait staff. So cute. Ginger ended up getting fussy just a little earlier than expected, so I picked her up and started walking around with her to quiet her down while PJ paid the bill. I was walking around with Ginger for awhile, when I saw PJ talking to our waitress, then one of the owners - obviously I wondered what was wrong. I went over and asked what was up, and PJ said "Someone paid our bill for us!" I said "What? Who?" The owner only told us that it was another one of his regulars like us, good person, and they had left already. He wouldn't tell us anything else. PJ and I just stood there like 2 deer in the headlights - and I just started crying. I looked around, and realized I hadn't paid attention to anyone in the restaurant, really, I was too busy tending to the kids. All we wanted to do was know who it was so we could thank them, which is exactly what this person did not want. What an example of what giving is supposed to be - no need for acknowledgement - which of course, is driving PJ and I crazy - but I understand this gesture and am humbled, and inspired by it all at the same time. What a wonderful example of God's will demonstrated through others. Both of us are still dumbfounded by this gesture, and extremely grateful. If whoever you are happen to be reading this, we thank you. And we thank you for a simple gesture that has once again reminded us how amazing humanity can be - and how inspiring it is to have someone give, and expect nothing, even acknowledgement, in return. It makes me want to go out right now and do this for someone else - which is exactly the point I think. Don't you?

PJ went off to do some late night grocery shopping tonight. It really is the best time to shop - late at night like this, especially at Walmart - because you don't have to deal with all the usual Walmart people, and you don't have the kids with you - so you can take your time and get everything on your list (well, we'll see) ;-)

I'm going to go and read Psalms 91 again, and get my things prepared for tomorrows treatment. I'm getting that 'fight' back in my spirit, I lost it there for awhile. Very frustrating.

Thank you for all your prayers, and good thoughts, and all that. I've got my steroids (pre drug to keep me from having an allergic reaction like the first time) pumping at full force now, so I very well may read the whole frickin book at this point - wouldn't be all bad I guess, can you speed read the Bible and still get it? Can I buy Cliff Notes?

God Bless -