Hold Onto Your Hat........

This is what my dr said when she called me this afternoon. I was talking to Jennifer on the phone when the call came in, I looked at who it was and just went a little numb. I mean, my dr is in Alaska - the fact that she was calling me could be good OR bad. So I spoke with her. Her first words were Hold Onto Your Hat - then - the scan came back with no hot spots. None. This means no active cancer cells. I couldn't believe it - I mean I could, but I couldn't. She said the same thing - "Can you believe it Dina! This is what I was hoping for. Looks like all those prayers worked." That my friend, is the understatement of the year - yes indeed - prayer works.

I am at a loss for words. She also told me she wants to do just one more cycle of chemotherapy and that I need to get in touch with my surgeon. I will stop the Avastin immediately as I need to be off that for six weeks at a minimum before any major surgery - so that means I could schedule my surgery for as early as mid Oct. Can you believe this? That means only 3 more chemo treatments. Just 3 more. I am just beside myself. Part of me doesn't really believe this yet - like I'm going to wake up and it will all be a dream. Praise God. That's all I can say right now, is praise God.

I know this journey is far from over, but this is a HUGE part of it that has come to an important crossroads. I now know I have only one more cycle of chemo, then I can focus on getting better and prepare for my surgery. To know this treatment is coming to a close, has literally brought me to tears on many occasions tonight. I was ready to do this for six months or more if I had to - but I am so glad I don't. I've also had to remind myself many times already tonight to just be thankful, and not fearful of this. That old 'I'm afraid to be happy cuz then something bad might happen' way of thinking, I have realized through this journey I do this a LOT. I'm aware of this now, and really focusing on enjoying this moment. None of us knows what will happen in the future, but for right now, I'm doing the proverbial happy dance - and I don't care who's watching!!

It's Madeline's 4th birthday tomorrow, and her first day of school. I've been busy wrapping presents, finishing laundry and baking cupcakes for her classroom this evening. And loving every minute of it. I'm so blessed to be her mom and watch her grow. I'm feeling pretty blessed about a lot of things tonight. I think I'll sleep better tonight than I have for the past 5 months. If I can get into bed at a decent time, that seems to be a challenge for me lately. Too much to do after the wee ones go to bed.

I can't begin to thank everyone who has followed me through this, who has kept me in their thoughts, who have prayed for me - who have lifted me up when I have stumbled - and although I know there is much more to go, this part was really hard, and I couldn't have done it without God, but I couldn't have done it without you all. I believe God's will plays out through the goodness of people - and people have been very good to me and my family. Words will never be able to express how this out pour of love has made a difference in who I am in this world - and this person I am now is different than who I was before - not better, just different. Although I do think I am a much better mother, wife and child of God due to this experience. And although I haven't figured out exactly what God has planned for me yet, I know it has something to do with this big mouth of mine. We'll see. My journey is not over, in a way, it's beginning on a different path now.

I feel like I'm babbling. Had one of those 'car rides to myself' this evening (forgot to get my kid a backpack for school) and I couldn't seem to contain my thoughts - they were all over in a thousand directions. I need to go and rest my head, busy first day of school stuff tomorrow.

God bless -