Goin Back to Chemo - No, I don't think so.

So PJ and I came up with this very funny idea this morning of developing our own, like, Jib Jab song with the funny bodies and our big heads to the tune of LL Cool J 'going back to Cali' but obviously changing the words to 'going back to chemo' then my oncologist would pop out saying 'no - I don't think so'. We laughed - this was like, 1 minute after we woke up this morning, so go figure. We thought we were really funny this morning, guess that's all that matters.

Busy day today - MOPS meeting and had a great time, but it is always such a whirlwind for me. It's like as soon as I'm able to catch my breath, it's all over. But, my table was awesome today, all the girls showed up and we laughed a lot. Which is exactly the point of MOPS - to hang out, get some good ME time and relax. It was nice. What I remember of course. Could be the chemo too, who knows. How long do I get to use that excuse??

I'm starting to feel yukky, so I'm going to keep this short this evening. I am really just trying to process the fact that I'm having surgery in a week. What kind of surgery? I really don't know - something else that is very weird to process at this moment. Will I be cut open? Will I keep my uterus? This is probably where the whole 'trust' part is supposed to REALLY come into play. Wow. This is hard. I suppose it will all go down the way it is supposed to. I just need to trust. Dammit trust!!! Arg.

Isn't it ironic that I have a massage scheduled the day before my surgery next week. I've been wanting to have a massage all through my treatment. My oncologist said it was really good for me - but I just never made the time for it. Well, I'm making it now I suppose. I'm really looking forward to it. My pre-op appt is tomorrow afternoon where I know a lot of my questions will be answered.

I think the most frustrating part right now, is I just want to feel better. I haven't felt good for so long, I don't even really remember what it felt like to NOT feel this way. I'm really tired of feeling tired. But I need to pray for patience, and strength, because my journey is far from over. Well, it will never really be 'over', but I've got a few more 'specific scenarios' to experience here before I settle into my new normal. I just want the drive and energy to get through them, and pray desperately that I will stay healthy through them as well. That is essential. I've been so blessed thus far, but I'm not done yet.

We have 'date night' planned this weekend. So we're excited about that. Then we will be delivering my mothers dog back to her on Sunday. My children will be sad to see her go, but happy their toys are no longer getting chewed to bits. Me too come to think of it.

Many blessings to all of you this weekend. Something cool I came across this evening I'd like to share - seems like something I need to remember more often. Check this out:

"You inhabit a fallen, disjointed world, where things are constantly unraveling around the edges. Once a vibrant relationship with Me can keep you from coming unraveled too."

So here's to staying 'raveled', eh? Constant work in progress. God Bless and have a great weekend.