I'd like a room with a boob - I mean view.

So I booked a hotel room today for PJ and I to stay in after my mastectomy. I asked questions I never thought of before when booking a hotel room. 'Is the bed really comfy?' - that is something I have never asked before. We're staying someplace nice - I wasn't going to go all 'thrifty' on a room after my surgery. So, we'll figure out how to manage it when the time comes. Plus I wanted a room with a bedroom, so I wasn't all hanging out there for all to see when someone walked in the door. Wait, I really won't have anything to hang anymore, well, you catch my drift here. In any case, I think we will be as comfortable as possible. See, they are only keeping me in the hospital for 1 night, can you believe that? So my surgeon recommended that we get a hotel room for a couple nights before heading back up north.

On the more current surgery front, the hospital called today to confirm everything for my overectomy on Friday. (I don't even know if that is a word or if it is it is spelled correctly, so please forgive me) I think I really thought this surgery was going to be like my excisional biopsy or my port placement, out patient and no big deal. I think it is a little more than a big deal. I was told I can't lift anything for six weeks. Wow. That is a long time to not pick up my Ginger. Hard part is, is if they do this laproscopically, I will most likely feel like I can pick her up, I just can't. That will suck. And, they are going to catheterize me - which I absolutely hate. When I had Ginger, they kinda put it in wrong, so my last experience was not a good one with this hole catheter thingy - remember me saying our only experience with things are the last one we had? Well, let's hope this turns out differently. Yuk and OUCH! So, I gotta pray on that.

I did have fun today though. Doing 'around the house' type chores and being a mom, it's been a long time since I've been able to do that. I still get so tired by around like, 4pm - I wonder how long until that stops. I know 5 months of chemotherapy will hang around for awhile, I just wonder how long. I got to spend some really great time with Ginger, and Dad got to take Madeline to school today. This evening, when we put the girls to bed, I was tucking Madeline in and started tickling her - tickling her until she just cried with laughter - that is my new favorite sound in the world. That, and Ginger eating a goldfish. I am so blessed to have my children. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't stop and thank God for these precious gifts. They have kept me going through this journey like nothing else has, and they have taught me so much. I cannot begin to explain how it feels to be sick to your stomach, bald, having hot flashes, bathroom issues - then to have both of my girls hugging me telling me they love me and covering me with kisses. I am trying so hard in this life to practice what they have taught me - to see people as people, the inside light of people - not the outside package. That is what children give us, well, at least that is what my children have given me. What a gift. They have made me feel love at a level that is impossible to describe.

So I would be lying if I wasn't feeling some anxiety about this upcoming surgery. I was OK with it, now I'm feeling a little nervous. I just want it to go smoothly, that is all. I've been completely retarded when it comes to the date lately, I don't know why. Like, I can't remember what day it is, the date, or sometimes the month - it is really embarrassing. Anyhoo, because of this, I'm off on my devotional - but, it is oddly appropriate tonight. I came to this this evening, what a word:

"Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks - or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me."

Isn't that the frickin truth? I totally measure shit against my own strength, all the time. Thing is, I'm missing out on the NOW when I do this - in fact, I'm wasting the NOW. And what is really true - it's coming, whether I think I 'prepare' or not. So, enjoy the now, and trust the later because with Him, strength will be there, undeniable strength. Oy vais, do I need this frickin tattooed on my head or something? It's so hard to remember this - I'm such a planner, planner, planner.

Well, finally got caught up on Heros tonight so we are ready tomorrow to watch the 2 hour premiere from tonight - we're so excited. (we luv our television) OH - which reminds me - my good friend Jennifer said this when we were out this weekend. This would just make the perfect bumper sticker - "I'm such a better Mom since TIVO".

God Bless -