OK - so I'll start off by saying I did the enema thing, and I guess it wasn't THAT big of a deal. However, this is not something I want to repeat at any time in the future if I can avoid it. And, I don't recommend this either. Yuk.
Now, here it is, very late (I wanted to wait until the last possible minute to do this enema thing) and I think I'm in a pretty good head space. I was kinda mourning the loss of my ovaries, but now, am ready for the new cycle in my life. I think losing them makes me feel old - and I wasn't quite ready to feel like that. I mean, I know I'm 40 - but I seriously don't feel 40. I really feel, like, 30 ish. I suppose I always paired losing your girl parts with older women. And I just don't feel like I'm that old woman yet. I realize however, that for me to have the opportunity to even be an old woman, I need these puppies out of me. So - I'm ready to say 'So Long' to the ovaries.
And I came to the realization today when I found myself stressing about whether this was going to be laproscopic or not - that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and I trust God to be with me and see me through it. No matter what it is. I'm ready for it, whatever it is, and I can handle it. I trust in Him completely, so why stress over something I can't control? I just need to approach this as I've approached everything else on this journey, with strength, grace and His hand in mine, and I will be just fine.
I had a massage this evening, which was lovely. Most relaxing and needed. It really calmed me down and gave me such peace.
I need to get some sleep - early morning and big day tomorrow, so I'm off to bed. Thank you to all who have emailed me personally - your words of comfort and prayers are so appreciated. Thank you.
I usually don't blog on the weekends, but I'll try to post tomorrow night and give an update. I've learned I just can't try to predict the path of this cancer journey - but as soon as I trust, the walk is that much easier.
God Bless -
DINA'S BOOB BLOG - An online journal of my breast cancer experience.
Hey girl -- when I was growing up an enema was the standard cure for ANY ailment, from the flu to a splinter in your finger! (Well, not a splinter maybe) It's amazing how quickly you get well as soon as you see your mom walking down the hall with an enema bag!
ReplyDeleteAnd babe - you are NOT that old woman! You never will be unless you let yourself. ;o) Love ya - Martha