Cancer? I hardly even knew her!!

Treatment went great today. My blood count was all normal and great - thank you God. I had Avastin and Taxol and it all went great. At the very end of my Taxol treatment, I started getting a slight reaction - and it's only at the very end of the treatment - this happened last time too. It's like my arms get really hot and the heat starts to creep up my chest heading towards my face - so I close my eyes, breathe through it and tell myself to relax and fill myself with peace, then it goes away. Weird. Maybe it's because I'm not taking all the steriod pills the evening before that I used to take. Who knows. With the exception of those trivial couple of minutes, it went fine. I was super tired this time though after treatment. Like wicked sleepy. So we came home and Madeline and I snuggled on our bed for a little while, only to have her fall asleep, not me. Well, it was relaxing lying there watching her sleep - she is such a little angel.

While we were at treatment today, we noticed there were all new faces this time, no familiar ones. Which we found depressing. Also a little depressing that I was the 'old hat' at this today. Humpf. In any case, we over heard an exchange between a new patient and the nurse. She advised this gentleman, who was there with his wife, that they would be there for approx 5 hours - the first treatment was going to be a long one, and that they will need to schedule them earlier in the day perhaps next time to help acoomodate this a bit better. These people freaked out - they said that they couldn't possibly stay for 5 hours because their puppy was in the house and they needed to let him out, that their grandson with autism was coming home and 3 and they needed to tend to him (yes, in this order) and then the man said "if I can't be out of here my 3 everyday then this just won't work". Are you kidding me? Let's see, um, saving your life, or maybe thinking to plan ahead for some of these things beforehand, eh? I just couldn't believe this arguement was happening - seriously. They left! They didn't receive any treatment!! I know it is certainly their choice for this treatment - but to think of all the people that don't have this treatment available to them, for whatever reason, and then hear this just broke my heart. So interesting to hear different people express their priorities. We all have choices in this world, we all do.

I did ask for a copy of my medical report from last weeks CT scan and you won't believe the numbers. Get this, the lesion on my liver went from 4 x 2.5 cm to 1.6 x 1.3 cm - can you believe this!!!! The dr said "this is great!" and I said "no - this is God!" I'm so thrilled to have this news. I think I needed it in writing in front of me to actually believe it. This is just after 6 treatments - thank you God for the right drug. I feel very good about the direction we're going - it made going to treatment today so much different than any of the ones before - I had much more purpose today, much more determination, much, much more hope. It felt really good - really sleepy, but really good. And, we've achieved some more 'unremarkables' in my kidneys, spleen, great vessels (what is THAT?) and bowl loops (ok, ew!) but I'll take these 'unremarkables', not matter what they are.

Came home to a yummy meal from Lori, thank you thank you thank you. Madelne thanks you for her very favorite pasta noodles of all time, and Ginger devoured them as well. It is so perfect to not have to worry about this on my treatment days - I know I say this everytime, but seriously. So great. Thank you Lori. We continue to thank God for our wonderful supportive community of friends. We couldn't do this without you all.

I also came home to the most beautiful letter from a friend I haven't seen in probably 10+ years. She and I were inseperable for a time in our grade school days - and I have been blessed enough to be reconnected with her now. Amazing what has come out of this diagnosis for me. It seems to have brought back a couple of the most amazing people in my life. She is certainly one of these - and I am so lucky to have reconnected with her. It warmed my heart today to read her letter. Madeline saw me after I was done reading it and said "are you crying mommy?" and I said "yes, but it's a happy cry, not a sad cry". She just looked at me, I could tell this one will take awhile to digest. We'll see - she usually revisits conversations like this about 2-3 days later. I'll let you know what she comes up with.

Finished my Social Security stuff tonight, and they were right - it took 2-3 hours. Yikes. Just as I was finishing filing it, it timed out. So I have to log back in tomorrow and just finish filing. But it's done for the most part. What an ordeal. Gotta love the government. It felt wierd to answer the question "will this diagnosed illness end in your death" and I had to check the YES box - I mean, that's what makes me qualify. Strange. Even though I don't believe this. Hope they aren't reading my blog!!!

God Bless - night night.