She's Got A Ticket To Ride

We actually got in on time this morning for blood work, which came out great. White blood cell count was just a smidge low, so they elected to give me the Neulasta shot to boost me up for my week off next week, so I'll be all ready to start cycle 4 the following week. I'm looking forward to a week off. All in all my treatment went great today. We started treatment around 11:30 am and ended about 3:30 - so it was about 4 hours. Not bad for 6 drugs in one day. Arg. Tonight I feel fine, just feeling the annoying side effects of the steroid - flushed face and heartburn. Tomorrow I'll feel much of the same all day, then from tomorrow evening into Friday, the 'flu like' symptoms emerge - and last until mid afternoon. Then I'm really just tired until Sunday morning. I've got a handle on it - not fun, but not a big deal either. Small price to pay.

Had some bad news on my friend I had mentioned I met at chemo, the woman around my age who was really having some big challenges. Apparently, she was in the hospital for 10 days and is now at home w/ hospice care. I was just devastated to hear this, and just wanted so badly to see her and just hug her. All I have for her is an email address, so I emailed her and her new husband (they just got married) to see if we could come over and see them. I'm not making this about me - I own mine, and she owns hers - but only as respects that I think why her and NOT me? How does this disease pick who gets what? It is so frustrating and sad, and random, and scary. So many things. I just pray for peace for her, peace, and no pain. Please God no pain.

Last evening, I found out the father of a childhood family our family had grown up with had died. They are tentatively calling it a suicide. This too was obviously extremely devastating news. My mind has gone in a thousand directions with this. Again, my initial instinct was to find his children (all around my age) and hug them and just be there for them. I can't even imagine what this family is going through. Even though I haven't seen or spoken to them in years, I feel like I still know them - they were such a huge part of my childhood growing up. Just devastating. My father handles the insurance for them, as he and, let's call him Matt, have been friends for 35 years - can you believe it? My heart goes out to my dad who so badly wanted to help his friend, who had no idea he was thinking these thoughts. I personally don't think anyone who has these kinds of dark thoughts, and is serious about it, talks about it to anyone. I don't think anyone could have helped him. At least that's what I told my dad. Again, I pray for peace for this family, for my dad, for everyone close to this family as they try to sort through this.

Then we had to say goodbye to Hailee this evening, and that was just really hard for me. I think, this beautiful young person, who didn't bat an eye when she saw me this trip, and I obviously looked very different the last time she saw me, just loved on me more than I ever could have expected. I'm so proud of who she is, of who she's becoming, and who she wants to be. She's just awesome. I wanted her to stay longer. So we both cried this evening, hopefully I can convince her and my sister to get the whole family out here for Thanksgiving. We'll see.

Needless to say, it's been a roller coaster of a week, and it's only Wed. I know these drugs are gonna kick my ass this week, so I need to prepare for tomorrow evening into Friday. Things are going to be a bit more back to normal now, which my kids will certainly appreciate - I know Madeline will. She's been acting out lately and I know it's because of all the goings on this month. So I look forward to that.

The chemo cam went great today, but we need to view it and edit it - and since we just got home like, 20 minutes ago, this won't post this evening. We'll work on it this weekend and get it up for next week for sure. I'll set my goal for Monday. So keep a look out. We had a great little b-day celebration for PJ in Phx this evening. It was really fun, good time, laughs - the way it is supposed to be!!! I love it.

I need to sleep - it's been a long day/night/week and my mind is just racing in a million different directions. It's like I'm more drawn to these situations now than ever, like I have to fulfill a purpose but not quite sure what it is. I'll have to pray on this and see what I'm supposed to do. I'm sleepy - please keep these people in your prayers and good thoughts, they really need all the positive energy they can get. Sorry I won't share actual names, but that doesn't really matter in the long run.

I thank you Karen for my meal tonight, and Jeanie & Lisa for my meals last week that I forgot to mention - I'm sorry for that. It continues to be such a blessing that people keep helping me in this manner - it is such a great help. You will never know.

Good Night and God Bless -